Would I be better off just living my life and having fun then waiting for the right

[Joe]

girl to come along? Ok, so let me start by saying there was this girl I liked, however she has had a boyfriend since I met her, but that didn't stop her to hinting that she liked me, however it's obvious by now she has no intentions of breaking up with her boyfriend for me and I am ok with that! I'm however not ok with her leading me on. While I never really flirted back hugely, I know she knows I have feelings for her and I know it was wrong for me for me to allow her to flirt with me while she had a boyfriend. However, I feel like I have always been the nice guy, always! I was always there for girls when they had problems, I was always a good friend, I always listened to them but it hasn't gotten me anywhere other then the friend zone. I know now if I like girls I can't be the shoulder to cry on, it's something I have learned. However, lately since my friend has turned 21 and he knows we can go out and get drunk and what not he has been asking me a lot to go places and I would always not be interested because those aren't the kind of girls I want. The girls I want, usually the good girls never want me though. They love my personality but I'm not very good looking I guess. So am I just missing out by not going with my friends? I am still a virgin, I wanted to and still kinda want to save it for someone I love but I'm 22, I am only getting older. Am I a bad person if I go out, get drunk and have sex with someone I met that night? While I'm not an emo or anything, I feel like my heart is has become numb. I have no idea where I am going in life anymore and I don't think I will find any girl my age willing to be in a serious relationship with someone like me. What are your thoughts, do you think I am missing out on having fun by hoping for the one I love to come along? I have just been hurt so many times by a girl I was in a relationship with and girls I have been lead on by that I can't take the pain anymore. Is this what I want to do? No, but I think this might be what I have to do in order to not be depressed and not allow myself to continue to be hurt.

 

[libby]

"Am I a bad person if I go out, get drunk and have sex with someone I met that night?"

You're not a bad person for doing this, but it's not the smartest thing to do. It's hard to form a meaningful relationship with someone if you "meet" them then immediately have drunken sex. It's a good way to get slapped with a child support suit, too.

"I have no idea where I am going in life anymore and I don't think I will find any girl my age willing to be in a serious relationship with someone like me."

Well... you're kind of right on the second part. Women your age are rarely emotionally mature, even when they think they are. Women reach emotional maturity around age 25. For men it can take until the late 20s or even early 30s. That's a big part of the reason young marriages fail.

Also, if you're looking for a REAL relationship, the kind that can lead toward marriage, you won't have much luck finding a mature, stable partner until you are stable yourself... done with school, a few years into your career, paying down any debt, a good amount in savings, your own place, your own car, etc. It's not that women are superficial... it's only that mature, adult women who are ready for marriage want to find mature, adult men who are self-sufficient and not needy.

"What are your thoughts, do you think I am missing out on having fun by hoping for the one I love to come along?"

Absolutely. It's only natural to find that Someone Special. But like I've mentioned, you're not in the right place in life for that yet... though someday you will be. Doesn't mean you can't have fun in the meantime. Stop taking relationships so seriously! Just go meet people. Meet new friends. Meet girls. Ask girls on dates who don't seem like your "type." Try new things. Have fun. Let having a different date every weekend work some magic on your ego. Don't be a jerk to these girls, but don't promise things you can't deliver.

Then one day you'll run across a girl who just seems different somehow. You'll know almost immediately that she's special. And if you've done your homework about working on yourself and getting to a better state in life (emotional, psychological, financial) then the time will be right to try something more serious. When it works, it just works. It takes some proactive effort, don't get me wrong, but you'll click with her in ways you never have with anyone else. Trust me, I've seen it happen many times... including to myself. =)