I am a beginner and I need help specifically with my second scene too much dialogue
Horror with subtle humor
1)EXT. Mt. Hood National Forest -- Day
Jake is narrating --
“Beautiful green trees all around. The sun shines bright over the vast forest.
The Narration- Dream sequence. Jake describes how beautiful Mt. Hood National Forest is. He looks at a tree where there is an X carved in. As he walks toward the tree a hawk flies by and it starts getting cold. Right next to the tree there is a small part of a plastic bag sticking out underneath of what appears to be small branches somebody placed there. As he walks closer the sun starts to set. Jake’s watch stopped at 12. He rubs his arms from being cold and notices the fog. He pulls the branches off and grabs the plastic bag. He hears a voice of a little girl “don’t look inside”.
2)INT. Jake’s house -- Morning
Jake tries to catch his breath.
Eric
You had a bad dream.
Jake looks around.
Eric is this neurotic guy and has the biggest man crush on Jake you can have without being gay.
Jake
Yeah, another one. What are you doing here?
Chewing a slice of Jake’s left over pizza.
Eric
Is that any way to treat your best friend? I needed to borrow some socks.
Eric picks up Jake’s notebook and starts reading notes for a novel out loud. Jake snatches it.
Jake
Give me that.
Eric
I read your story, it sucks. A romance comedy, are you kidding me? … You need to write about vampires. How about adding some doing it scenes? Maybe vampire women with big ta-tas and budunkadunks.
Jake and Eric continue arguing about what he should and shouldn’t write.
Jake
How did you get in my house?
Eric
The window was open. You better be careful there are a lot of crazy people out there.
Jake tells Eric to get the hell out and Eric says not to blame him if he writes a dumb story while climbing out of the window. Eric gets on his bicycle.
Jake
“By the way you’re not my best friend. I met you 2 weeks ago.”
Eric looks back flips off Jake and falls off his bicycle.
Horror with subtle humor
1)EXT. Mt. Hood National Forest -- Day
Jake is narrating --
“Beautiful green trees all around. The sun shines bright over the vast forest.
The Narration- Dream sequence. Jake describes how beautiful Mt. Hood National Forest is. He looks at a tree where there is an X carved in. As he walks toward the tree a hawk flies by and it starts getting cold. Right next to the tree there is a small part of a plastic bag sticking out underneath of what appears to be small branches somebody placed there. As he walks closer the sun starts to set. Jake’s watch stopped at 12. He rubs his arms from being cold and notices the fog. He pulls the branches off and grabs the plastic bag. He hears a voice of a little girl “don’t look inside”.
2)INT. Jake’s house -- Morning
Jake tries to catch his breath.
Eric
You had a bad dream.
Jake looks around.
Eric is this neurotic guy and has the biggest man crush on Jake you can have without being gay.
Jake
Yeah, another one. What are you doing here?
Chewing a slice of Jake’s left over pizza.
Eric
Is that any way to treat your best friend? I needed to borrow some socks.
Eric picks up Jake’s notebook and starts reading notes for a novel out loud. Jake snatches it.
Jake
Give me that.
Eric
I read your story, it sucks. A romance comedy, are you kidding me? … You need to write about vampires. How about adding some doing it scenes? Maybe vampire women with big ta-tas and budunkadunks.
Jake and Eric continue arguing about what he should and shouldn’t write.
Jake
How did you get in my house?
Eric
The window was open. You better be careful there are a lot of crazy people out there.
Jake tells Eric to get the hell out and Eric says not to blame him if he writes a dumb story while climbing out of the window. Eric gets on his bicycle.
Jake
“By the way you’re not my best friend. I met you 2 weeks ago.”
Eric looks back flips off Jake and falls off his bicycle.