will you rate my poem?

T

Tom

New member
over the moon expression you do bring
tails of victorious glory you do sing
but the hole forever brings us in
red wine clinging does cling

all the talk of beauty and praise
gold silver lined to the roof of the palace
laughter joy and red popper shells
yet you will be told sounds realize
mother is dead
 
There are some grammatical errors "Tails" should be spelled "Tales", unless you meant it to be that way. Also instead of "do bring" and "do sing" I would get rid of the word "do" in both lines. On a scale of 1-10 [10 being the best] I'd say 5-6. It's YOUR poem, remember so feel free to not take my advice if you don't like it! I don't want you to change it if you like it the way it is! Personally, I would tweak it a LITTLE more, but you're off to a good start.
Hope I could help.
 
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