Some studies have shown that even forcing yourself to smile when you are not in a mood to smile helps to change brain chemistry in a way that mimics happiness and contentment, the things you usually associate with a smile.
Similarly, though it takes practice, forcing yourself to find positive things in situations/people and to concentrate on them, assigning them importance, does change your mental habits.
Since you find it difficult to "allow" yourself to see the importance of even the smallest positive things among a pile of what seems negative, I would suggest starting by telling yourself how important it is for you to see the value in small positive things.
You can tell yourself something like, "I choose to believe there is importance and value in seeing even the smallest of positives." Really think about what that means to you. After you've done that, you can practice with one situation at a time. It's likely to feel like hard work at first, since it is going against what has come to be natural for you.
The more often we think in certain patterns, the more ingrained they become. Synaptic pathways are created and eventually those pathways are so heavily trodden that we don't even notice when our brain is going down the same old road.
An example I can think of is this:
One day I was driving my car in an unfamiliar area. I was on my way to an appointment in a bad part of town. I was anxious about it, and more so because my baby was with me. I was cut off by another car on the road which made me angry. Then I missed a light and thought I was going to be late. I could feel my blood boiling. I hate to be late for appointments, especially when I've taken care to be there on time.
I decided to stop and take a deep breath and try to look for the positive, to choose to believe it was likely all for the best. I decided that, it was POSSIBLE, if I'd made the light, maybe I would have ended up getting hit by another car up ahead. Perhaps now I was safe because I'd been cut off. Who knows?? I also forced myself to smile. It felt sickening at first.
But after a few moments of concentrated effort, it really helped me to relax. And when I arrived at the appointment, they weren't even ready for me anyway. I was late, but I had to wait for them because they were even more late. So now I didn't have to wait so long in the hot, smelly, crowded waiting room with a cranky child as I would've had to if I'd been on time.
Whether or not the positive things that you can make yourself look at are true, choosing to see them changes your chemistry, reduces stress and makes life more enjoyable.
I can honestly recommend a couple of books that touch on this information.
One is called Feelings Buried Alive Never Die. And, though it might sound silly, I also recommend the book "The Secret." Even if you think what the book is saying is not actually true, practicing the suggestions can and does make a big difference in how you experience life. It's worth the effort!
