I think it's because I cannot stop judging myself and being self aware of who I am, what I say and do and what I'm going to say and do... I need to slow down as I know I am able to and rest in that slow downed state. Always be, rather than stop and go, stop and go. Shouldn't the knowledge I have, which is quite certainly more than encompassing for a state like this, have helped me already? Shouldn't I have been able to apply it, if not automatically? Why have I changed my perception so drastically, to the point of near zero belief in myself and in who I am? Why isn't what I know helping? A complete 180 has occurred!
Why don't I have access to the knowledge revealed to me during an enlightenment?
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