Why do my mum and I argue so much? PLEASE HELP! x?

H

Hannah W

New member
Ok - To start with I would like to thank anyone who has taken the time to try and answer this question - Your unbiased and detached opinion will hopefully help very much.

I am a 13 year old straight A student - I participate in many after school activities - I dont drink or smoke (unlike most of the people in my school) - Dont have a boyfriend - Do all my homework and get good reports - I also try and help out at home - I do have quite a bad temper but I am learning to control that.

My mum is 43 years old - Her mum died last year which she was obviously very traumatised about.

Getting to my question, we are constantly arguing about stilly things - She snaps at me for no reason and when I try to explain she manages to turn it round to make it my fault.

She tells me that I have an attitude problem which I probably do but I am a 13 year old girl and so is every other girl my age. I can at least admit that I do some things wrong whereas she will not admit that she is anything but perfect!

I hate arguing with her but she is so irritating sometimes so I spend more time in my room so that we dont argue which gets her angry - I dont know what to do

I seriously need some help because I have run away 3 times because of our fights.

She is a very good mum and does everthing that I need but our arguing is killing our relationship.

Any advice on why she is like this and what I can do about it would be greatly appreciated :)

Thank You
Hannah x
Also when I was going into high school my headteacher of my primary recomended that I try for a scolarship at a private school - My mum however belived that I wasnt good enough and didnt hand in the scolarship application - I now go to an awful school - All because of her - It was 2 years ago but that could have changed my life!
 
All this fighting over silly things...might just be a symptom of something else. It's possible she is having big regrets about not allowing you to try for the scholarship , or it could be something that is going on in her private life but one way or the other , it takes two to have an argument. You say you have a bit of an attitude..so of course that's not helping matters at all. If you could both talk and try get to the bottom of all the arguing..then come up with a plan to stop fighting...it will be a help...it wont happen over night but it can happen if you both work on it. You say she is a good mum and by your question it appears you are a good daughter...so do the right thing , stop arguing with your mum just talk to her. Communication is the key to solving problems.
 
You have to realise that argueing is a two sided thing. If you really want to make a change, when she insists on getting on your case, just keep your cool and don't argue back. She will soon get fed up of giving you greiff. When anybody has no comeback, they usually give up. Even if you feel that you are in the right, let her win.. In the end, you will benefit from your "silences" and your mum will actually be proud that you have not "challenged" her point of view. Parents need to feel that they are in control, let her feel that way and she should give you more freedom....
 
She is envious of your life and all your potential. Not your problem. Keep living your life. You can do anything you set your mind to. She wants to limit you to being as miserable as she is. She made her choices, you make yours.
 
Talk to her its for the best. Try not to argue with her, if she trys to start one just walk away from it or agree with her.
 
Hey hannah, im sorry you've had such a terrible time with your mum, unfortunately some mothers are just like that! im one of 4 children, and much like your self to other people and the rest of the family i was the 'perfect child' no bother or drama at all left school with 10 GCSE'S 4 a levels and after finishing uni am now a teacher,yet my mother constantly criticised me for everything known to man! i think sometimes when you don't need as much input, time and guidance that mothers don't like it i think they can become envious and bitter. i have never resolved any of the issues i have with my mother, but am 28 and a parent now myself,i do suggest you have an open and frank conversation with her, and have her justify her behaviour towards you, is there another family member you can ask to defend you, or speak to her. good luck
 
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