WHY DO I KEEP DOUBTING MY SEXUALITY?

[jenny]

im 16 and i was born 100% straight, i grew up liking girls, i know i did, i even got naked with girls and tried to have sex, and i remember getting erections and this was when i was 7, I had about 100 crushes on girls, and when i hit puberty at 13, there hasnt been a night from then until now where i havent masturbated to straight/lesbian porn, and always have thoughts of girls while masturbating, never guys, not once. I never doubted my heterosexuality until feb, i remember a few weeks before i started doubting it i used to be like "why are you gay kid look at all the girls about" and stuff. so it was the very start of feb, i was masturbating and i wanted to see if i could suck my penis, i got into some weird postion and got the head of my penis in my mouth. and when i got up, that was when the paranoia hit me, from that day on there hasnt been a minute where it hasnt been on my mind, thinking im gay, i cry every night about it, i take panic attacks, i have ocd, and i want to commit suicide, the first week was the worst, I was so scared to look at gay porn incase i got aroused, but then i did but didnt get an erection, i was quite happy for a while, but i found myself testing and checking it all the time for reassurance. sometimes now when I look at my penis when masturbating i think i want to suck it and it scares the hell out of me, i also been thinking im attracted to dogs and children and im freaking out, then last night i was thinking about getting done by a guy and started panicing and then i started thinking about doing a girl but it felt like something was missing and unsatisfied and this also scared me. I had about 6 different girlfriends and my last girlfriend was november 09 and she said to me do you want a bj but i didnt know what the fuss was about them and i just wanted to lick her out, but we broke up before we got to do anything, except i felt her boobs and she gave my a handjob. I have always loved girls, and i literally fell in love with this girl in 07 and i still cant get her off my mind but then i think i cant have her cause im gay, i dont evenw ant to stick my finger in my ***, when i think of guys sexually i dont get turned on, im so ****** up in the head, please help me.