Haley at the Disco
New member
I keep getting into a deep depression for anything from minutes to weeks to months. And then I'll go back to normal but it doesn't last and I get back into the depression and I cut myself and get really suicidal and write suicide notes and stuff like that in my diary. And I can't sleep, like I get insomnia or something. And I get very bad headaches, like irritable headaches from frustration.And I told my Mom and she said she's mad I'm depressed and it made me feel terrible. I can't help it!. And my Dad doesn't know. And see, he has depression and he was mean to my Mom before when he got really depressed so that might be why my Mom is mad about it. But I would never hurt someone!! My parents were always arguing and being mean to each other and I had to watch it since I was 2 years old, I can remember and my Dad's an alcoholic and my Mom is very religious... And when I was 5 my Mom told me my Dad had an affair and she said "He likes other women" and I didn't really understand but I knew it was wrong. I've had depression since I was 9 because I started realizing things about my life and what it means. And my Mom pays no attention to me except religious wise, and says I'm "perfect" and "sinless" and that I have to stay like that. But I'm not perfect! And I feel terrible about it and she said I need to pray to get better but I do and it's not working. And my Mom said crazy things like "I can't like boys until I'm 18" meaning crushes! And she said I can't like bands. But I do! And I have to hide my albums on my phone and stuff and it makes me guilty but the music isn't bad, I mean it's inspiring to me! What should I do? Why do I get like this?
And I feel very very very sad because I have 2 sisters and one of them has schizophrenia since I was born and everyone blamed it on me and she can't talk or do anything. And I feel terrible, because I have basically 1 sister and she's got health issues and is in the hospital all the time. And I don't have many aunts or uncles or cousins to go to, and then my grandparents have all died except my grandpa and he just turned 85. And it killed me when my Grandma died when I was 7, and it still hurts. And my Mom says bad things about her and that makes me terrible. She had bipolar disorder, which makes me wonder if I have it.
And I feel very very very sad because I have 2 sisters and one of them has schizophrenia since I was born and everyone blamed it on me and she can't talk or do anything. And I feel terrible, because I have basically 1 sister and she's got health issues and is in the hospital all the time. And I don't have many aunts or uncles or cousins to go to, and then my grandparents have all died except my grandpa and he just turned 85. And it killed me when my Grandma died when I was 7, and it still hurts. And my Mom says bad things about her and that makes me terrible. She had bipolar disorder, which makes me wonder if I have it.