Why do I feel so guilty??!!

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Lugar22

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So , you know Im on day 2. Have done OK.....cravings have been mad at times but have done lots od distraction stuff (cleaning,eating,cleaning,more eating...they'll have to roll me out soon). So , my partner gets really upset with me cause he wanted to score and I said no(can you believe I did that). So,now hes stormed off to work in a real huff with me. Why am I feeling so guilty...I keep thinking maybe I should call him an say sorry. Maybe get him some gear...but then I'll just use too. This is so messed up , and Im really upset. Im finding all this emotional stuff a real headache. It makes me feel horrid,...I feel like Im being mean. Whats up with that?
Anyways..just wanted to vent a bit. Thanks for letting me rant on. I just have to make it today.......only 5/6hrs to go before I'll go to bed. I have to stay strong.
with love.......CC
 
Lugar my dear friend...the guilt that comes with any addiction in my eyes is the worse. Concerning your oartner, that is a real hard one. Very hard if you are getting clean and he is not ready. It will probably put a lot of stress on your relationship. Stay strong in your battle...maybe as he watches you get better..he will want to also. A person as to want to change there life....if he is not ready...then he is not ready! I will think more about it...and pray
for you. Post soon,
Crocheting
 
CC,

You did the right thing and I think it's pretty crappy of him to be so unsupportive of your sobriety..... Don't feel guilty. It's his way of manipulating you into buckling and going out and getting what he wants. You are trying your hardest and all he is doing is making it impossible for you to stay clean.

Please know I said that with all the love in my heart. I only want what is best for you!!!! Hang in there girl!!!!!! Vent all you want!
XOXOXOXOOXX
 
Lugar-
You are a strong woman- and don't you forget that! I totally agree with Secrets in that it was terrible for your partner to get angry with you because you are trying to recover!

Misery loves company, and as long as you are hung in the addiction, he doesn't have to feel guilty for his own addiction. Sweetie, he is being selfish right now because of his own addiction's control over his thoughts, feelings and actions.

It would be so great if the both of you could rise above this together, but if he isn't ready, then he just isn't going to do it.

When you are in recovery, you have to think about what is best for you and your recovery, and you can not allow him to make you feel guilty for wanting to be healthy, and you can't allow yourself to feel guilty for making the right choices.

Please let go of your guilt and know you made the right choice. I maybe shouldn't say this, but in recovery you sometimes have to separate yourself from the negatives in your life, and honey if he can't support your choice to get away from this addiction, you may have to make a hard decision and cut him loose.

You take care of you and the rest will eventually fall into place and be the way it neeRAB to be. You can do this because you are worth it!!
 
I know you are both right. This is going to be the hardest part of staying sober. I got myself into a right state bout it early...trying to come up with a solution. What I have realised at the end of all those tears is that this is the same as everything else at the moment.....I can only tackle it one day at the time. As soon as I look to far ahead everything seems insurmountable(sp?). It still weighs heavy on my heart but theres no point trying to take too much on board right this moment. I'll only end up in a turmoil and wont achieve anything.
So,as for today I am chuffed that I havent used. Im so pleased I can tell you. Had a few real rough spots but managed to push on through. Who knows what'll happen tomorrow but thats another day. Am back to eating like a horse too....not something Im happy with. Im not hungry really...its just like distration and another thing 'to do'.
Ozzybug(hey..good to meet you!),secrets and crocheting thanks for the advice and support cause its definately made me stronger.
love as always.......CC
 
You certainly have the right idea! During this time, it's best to take things one day at a time, sometimes one minute at a time if you have to. Everything else will fall into place, and you can deal with things as they come.

Getting bogged down with thinking too far ahead can sometimes serve to bring more stress, or even trigger the urge to use again. You're on the right track and you can cherish the positive steps and moments you acheive right now.

In helping my husband through two separate addictions (one before we married and one after we married), I had to learn a lot about helping him to help himself, and I was so proud and amazed to see him reach the top of the hill. It took so much strength, courage and determination for him to make it through, but he did it.

I admire each one of you for your strength, determination and courage! I can feel the genuine caring spirit on this board, and it touches my heart. I just want everyone here to know much I admire you all!
 
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