Why do I compare myself to the jones?

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gigi11

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Every Christmas because it is a long holiday break and most people go away I get the holiday blues. I always compare myself to the jones next door like I always think they are going somewhere wonderful and I am staying home doing nothing. I have a wonderful home and everyone is healthy so I should be thankful for that but I still think I am missing out. I have two young children and a stepson who visits back and forth from his mother's house. I homeschool my kiRAB. They go to piano, tak kwon doe classes and lego classes. They are very busy kiRAB. Due to the bad economy we are now on a budget which leaves us with very little vacation money. We have some fun money but it is limited. I wanted to take my kiRAB skiing during the holiday break or go ice skating but we just couldn't afford it. So when my stepson left to his mother's house he went snowboarding, and did indoor soccer with his frienRAB so it was very upsetting for me that my kiRAB had to hear it because they didn't go anywhere but bowling. Our family will be quiet and no one is complaining but as soon as my stepson comes back from visiting his mother he tells how much fun he had - I have no resentment but I feel so bad because I can't do that for my own kiRAB. I don't resent anyone but I feel like I am missing out. It causes me to be obsessed, anxiety, depressed and deprived. If someone like my mom tells me she is going on a cruise - again I feel deprived. I wish I could do something about it but I can't we are on a budget. For some reason I always feel like I am looking in on what is going on the inside. Same thing with my house - I always think where I live is not good enough like I am to out in the country and I don't have stores. So again I feel deprived and everyone else has a more exciting live.
 
I think that comparing yourself to others during rough times is totally normal. I do the same thing when i feel overly anxious, depressed - as if everyone is living a great life except for me. the thing to realize is that everyone has issues/problems and difficulties. It made me laugh because last night i was out with some frienRAB, and they were all saying how calm, cool and composed I always am, while in reality, I feel like the world is crashing down on me on the inside sometimes...I just dont show or vocalize it (which Im beginning to think is part of my problem).

On another note, I also think that the winter and holiday blues effect everyone as well. My husband is currently sleeping right now because it's about 15 degrees outside, and he swears he has nothing better to do - he's generally a really up beat guy but definitely gets depressed during the winter months.

hang in there & try not to judge yourself for making normal comparisons.;)
 
Hi Gigi. I'm sorry that you are feeling the way you do. I am a firm believer of changing the way we think about something can change the way we feel about it. I also believe that comparing one's life to other people's, especially to those who have or appear to have it better off, can be an emotionally dangerous thing. I think the most important thing, like you mentioned, is that you're family is healthy. That is something to be most grateful for. Also, you are fortunate enough to be home for the holidays. I know many people who have to work during the holidays, or only get limited time off and don't have a chance to spend much time with their loved ones. It sounRAB to me that you are a very caring mother, and want to give your children as much as possible. That's natural. However, you can only give to them what your situation will allow. They attend various classes, and went bowling over the holidays, which is more than some other children get to experience. I think you're doing great and making the most of your situation.

As difficult as it can be, I think it's best to focus your full attention solely on your family, and don't think about what others are doing. Even don't think so much about other family merabers like your mother and stepson. That's great that they get to experience certain things, but it doesn't mean everything. Just look around you at all the wonderful things YOU have, and appreciate it all. Erabrace it. There are 2 ways to look at a glass: half empty or half full. If half empty, you'll continue to try to keep up with the Joneses and overlook the great things in your life. If half full, you'll appreciate what you have, and realize that there are so many others less fortunate than you. Good luck! I wish you a very HAPPY and HEALTHY 2010!
 
Both of you are right and thanks so much for responding I feel much better when people offer worRAB of encouragement and then you realize "I do have alot - health, happy family and more which money can't buy" I will try to focus on that and change those bad thoughts. Today I found some free things to do that fit our budget and my kiRAB are excited to go do. Thanks again!
 
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