Why do anniversary dates cause cravings so much???

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brianpain33

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I just hit 30 days today after relapsing. I was doing pretty good until last night when the cravings started to hit. Then I started to not feel so good about myself. I have a big problem with self esteem and don't feel that I deserve to succeed, don't feel like I deserve to have a girlfriend, don't feel like I deserve to be happy. What is wrong with me? Is this normal thinking being in recovery or what? I have been with low self-esteem since age 13 and had suicidal thoughts every day for the last 22 years. Sometimes they are not every day but since I have been clean this time I haven't really thought about suicide. However, the depression started to creep back in yesterday. Maybe it is just the anniversary and I am putting too much pressure on myself and I need to give myself a break. Any thoughts?

brian
 
alot of times are mind tricks us that were doing so well mabey 1 wont hurt but the fact of the matter is that we have but barley scratched the surface, drugs an alcohol are but 1syetem of our devistateing illness,have you got a sponcer are you seeing a syc for suicide,if know 1 has told you that is a perminant solution to a temporay problem. its nateral for us to be down on ourselves we dont just put our lives back together over night .sometimes quickly sometimes slowly all these things will matearelize if we work for them ,peace of mind pray for your hp to help you, rarely have we seen a person fail who has thorouly followed our path those who do not recover are people who can not or will not completely give themselves to a simple program,wich is hard but simple, are you going to 90 meetings in 90 days are you talking to other addicts, what lengths are you willing to go to, to stay clean ,it will get better pray for the cravings to be taken from you it worked for me after just a few weeks ,1 day i just noticed i was not thinking about useing, i have had my tough times too in early sobiety , but it got better an it will if you put just half the effort you put into druging,into staying clean you will make it, if your going to meeting syou must have heard some of these suggetions,think think think, time things i must earn,ya give your self a break just dont use no matter what, an let others give you the direction you need ,i have been clean for 5 years now an these are the things i had to do to get clean an contiue to do to stay clean 1 day a a time, god bless
 
because you "think" about it and that brings back memories. That's why I don't count the days. To me everyday is a clean day and for me that works. I know I stopped back in mid-February but I cannot tell you how many days. I notice when I write to people on this board trying to help them with their new and current problems, I start thinking about it and crave it a little. The memory is there and you just have to be stronger than it.
 
Brian, I can only echo Denon's suggestion to not count the days. Of course I'm not opiate-free yet so I can't say how I'll feel re cravings, but I'm hoping that if they do come, I can just think back on how miserable I've been ON the stuff. I don't ever want to feel the hot/cold/clammy feeling when it's time for the next pill. Or have to worry about having enough pills with me....or sneaking into the bathroom to pop one....or counting them so I don't run out....etc. etc. etc.

BTW, I think you're really smart! Your posts are always well-written, non-judgmental, and very educational about the various types of pain meRAB and anti-depressants. I do understand the self-esteem issue, because I suffer from that myself (not feeling worthy of a partner....I'm too much of a b*tch!), but you do have a lot going for you. So I hope you're just having a little "down" period, like I did, and you'll feel better again soon! :-)
 
Hey brian I know you posted on my thread that you where bipolar as well. Manic depressive goes along with it, there alot times I feel I'm not woth anything and don't deserve anything. But we do it as part of our disease. Hang in there tomorrow is a new day and try to focus on the good things in your life. They are there we just have to look at then and remeraber we are we worth it. Hope you feel better and I will be thinking of you and taking a little time to pray for you that you can get hold on it. Be proud of your sucess!
 
I think all anniversaries of loss that have brought pain are challenging. In my experience, just finding various pleasurable things to do has helped a lot. On the anniversary of my husband's death I always try to be away from home with my children diverting them and uniting ourselves.

Then there's the belief that every burden is a blessing giving us an opportunity to soar. This is the one that I follow.

Rely on your HP. We're in this together. We aren't alone.

May be all have peace and patience with ourselves.
 
I'm only on day 8, so I'm not sure on that part. I am praying for you Brian!!! Do you have a counselor or someone really close that you can go talk to? I really don't know how I would have gotten through this last days without talking it out.
 
mabey your forgetting its 1 minute to 1 hour to 1 day at a time,after awhile you will see its just another day clean , i used to count he days . an thats good in early recovery, when you stop counting you could truely be recovering, after you reach a year or years its a longer span . in the old days of AA there was no anniversary . until a year . no coin , mabey a cake:)
 
I found that staying busy when I was having cravings in the beginning really helped me a lot. Some research I found said that brain MRI's showed certain areas in the brain "lit up" when people were craving to thinking about their drug, but if they changed their thinking to how much better their life was w/o the drugs and how being drug free changed their lives for the positive, those areas dimmed and other pleasure areas of the brain "lit up." So, when the cravings hit, get busy doing something that will get your mind off of thinking about it and start thinking about the good of being off of the drugs. See if that helps.
 
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