Necromanti
New member
I had been depressed for what felt like 6 years (which ended last year), and it was at its worst during the last 4 of those 6 years.
During the beginning of those last four years, I was admitted to an ICU (due to ketoacidosis; I have diabetes).
After that, my mental health nose-dived (I still don't know why, and doctor's haven't been any help with answering that either) which was compounded by the fact that I fell in love with a friend of mine (which I didn't admit until 2 years later). During the last 2-3 years, I planned out my suicide.
Now to the main point:
Last year, I tried to commit suicide. I expected to be able to overdose with hundreds of units of insulin; all that happened was that I laid there in bed, waiting to lose consciousness, but my heart beat faster and faster and just felt awful. 7 hours later, and I'm still not dead, so I decided to eat and then try again the next night (since I didn't want to be found out).
The next night, I easily double the amount (I use up several months worth of insulin; all that I had) but to no avail. Same business as last time. I obviously panic because I failed twice in a row. To make a long story short, I decide to give life another shot (since I found no other appropriate and painless ways to kill myself with at the time). I tell my parents about my suicide attempts.
Fast forward to now. During the past year since I attempted suicide, I have not felt depressed. I no longer feel that dark gloominess in my mind, and that constant anguish tearing at me. I may not be happy all the time, but I feel...alright. I have not once thought about killing myself since then.
I don't even feel depressed anymore, although I still have my occasional anxiety/OCD/weirdness and extreme procrastination (mainly in regards to house work, or even picking up and moving a piece of paper).
What could be the reason for this? Did I somehow administer a mild form of insulin-shock therapy to myself? I don't understand why my depression could have just vanished after that (although I am thankful that it did). I have not been seeing any psychiatrists or psychologists, either, and I am not on any medication for mental illnesses.
During the beginning of those last four years, I was admitted to an ICU (due to ketoacidosis; I have diabetes).
After that, my mental health nose-dived (I still don't know why, and doctor's haven't been any help with answering that either) which was compounded by the fact that I fell in love with a friend of mine (which I didn't admit until 2 years later). During the last 2-3 years, I planned out my suicide.
Now to the main point:
Last year, I tried to commit suicide. I expected to be able to overdose with hundreds of units of insulin; all that happened was that I laid there in bed, waiting to lose consciousness, but my heart beat faster and faster and just felt awful. 7 hours later, and I'm still not dead, so I decided to eat and then try again the next night (since I didn't want to be found out).
The next night, I easily double the amount (I use up several months worth of insulin; all that I had) but to no avail. Same business as last time. I obviously panic because I failed twice in a row. To make a long story short, I decide to give life another shot (since I found no other appropriate and painless ways to kill myself with at the time). I tell my parents about my suicide attempts.
Fast forward to now. During the past year since I attempted suicide, I have not felt depressed. I no longer feel that dark gloominess in my mind, and that constant anguish tearing at me. I may not be happy all the time, but I feel...alright. I have not once thought about killing myself since then.
I don't even feel depressed anymore, although I still have my occasional anxiety/OCD/weirdness and extreme procrastination (mainly in regards to house work, or even picking up and moving a piece of paper).
What could be the reason for this? Did I somehow administer a mild form of insulin-shock therapy to myself? I don't understand why my depression could have just vanished after that (although I am thankful that it did). I have not been seeing any psychiatrists or psychologists, either, and I am not on any medication for mental illnesses.