Nobody Washere
New member
I'm 19 yrs old. I'm seeing a psychiatrist. I was abused as a child for years. He knows that sth happened and he sure can guess it but I cannot talk about it nor about my feelings nor what I'm thinking about etc. I just can't talk. I have the same thing with my parents, ex-boyfriends,...Nobody knows me, I'm one big mystery that's bottling everything up.
I feel very depressed, tried to kill myself before and I take medication for that. I can save myself, I can get help from my psychiatrist I only have to go for it! Why can I not grab this chance? When I'm sitting there I'm scared and angry with myself, when he asks me why I'm scared I can't answer that question cause I honestly do NOT know why. I can't get over it. What should I do? Why am I keeping this silence-thing up even if it's ruining me completely?
The only thing I can think about is that I'm scared he'll rape me or so (since I can't stand ppl touching me either and it scares the sh*t out of me when it happens) but that's so strange, cause I have the same fear with my mom and female friends too. I really wanna talk before I sink even deeper. What is holding me? How can I win this fight?
I feel very depressed, tried to kill myself before and I take medication for that. I can save myself, I can get help from my psychiatrist I only have to go for it! Why can I not grab this chance? When I'm sitting there I'm scared and angry with myself, when he asks me why I'm scared I can't answer that question cause I honestly do NOT know why. I can't get over it. What should I do? Why am I keeping this silence-thing up even if it's ruining me completely?
The only thing I can think about is that I'm scared he'll rape me or so (since I can't stand ppl touching me either and it scares the sh*t out of me when it happens) but that's so strange, cause I have the same fear with my mom and female friends too. I really wanna talk before I sink even deeper. What is holding me? How can I win this fight?