Whilst in a relationship did you ever engage in erotic chat with others on the internet?

[F M]

My now ex boyfriend had a profile on 'swingers.com' and other similar sites, and had engaged in erotic chats online.

He says it meant nothing to him, that it was a way of passing time when he was bored, and that he never had any intention of meeting them. Infact he thinks I over-reacted about the whole thing by dumping him!

The question of him now being single is not in doubt, he crossed a major boundary of mine. However I wonder how many others out there engage in this kinda stuff? I looked online and there's an awful lot of married men looking for 'cyber-sex' and 'erotic chats'.

Have you ever done this whilst in a relationship?
If so, why did you do it?
Did you ever meet anyone, or intend to take it further?
Were there other problems in your existing relationship?
And finally did you think what you were doing was wrong?

Thanks in advance.
Radha, don't have a clue what you're on about..

.. and as for dumping him, I found emails going over the full term of our relationship, so it wasn't aone off. Plus he'd paid to bea member of this site, so it wasn't casual browsing..

Just wondered what other ppls view is on it. I have forgiven him however, as forgiveness is important for my own peace of mind (we're not back together)
I dumped him because it was behind my back. Agree that a secure relationship is one where you'd tell your partner you were doing such stuff and they'd not be bothered/hurt by it.

 

[Elfii]

I certainly don't think you over-reacted. I know everyone has their different opinions on the matter, but I strongly believe and know for certain that if I'm very much in love with someone, I wouldn't even dream of looking elsewhere for such talk, and wouldn't feel the need to. But as I say, everyone thinks of these things differently, so it's very difficult to say what a certain individual is thinking.

 

[Radha]

anger is such a stupid immature emotion. an intelligent person goes directly to depression which is below anger and, instead of wasting his/her time on anger and all complications and endless circle of manipulation that anger brings, deals with real issues that are at the root of all anger. To hate is to abuse your energy, abuse your time, abuse your possibilities. To see an ocean of hatred that she sees in the eyes of a satan is sad and depressing, not because she cares about the satan, no, he has decided to make anger his own personal god for warship, his own personal life stimulation, his own personal life achievement, no, she is sad because she has to see the ocean of hatred, ocean of hatred towards her. That is what he thinks. It is directed to her. Yet, that is not the case. She has nothing to do with the ocean of hatred he feels for her. She is simply a mirror he hates about Him, about all he missed, he has got mistaken, he has abused himself and others. Hatred towards himself taking it all so wrongly, so badly, so perverted. He hates himself. She wanted to know if she should have ever, know she knows - NO. He gave her and answer to eternal question. NO. Nobody can enlighten somebody else. Rot in his hell forever. He cannot harm her any more. The scream to the sky of a missed chance, of a done deal, of a cooked meal, a scream - how he would have killed her, and chop in pieces, and eat her flesh and drink her blood, this is how much he hates "her". She sees. She understands. She disgusts with him. NOTHING can change that.

 

[Radha]

anger is such a stupid immature emotion. an intelligent person goes directly to depression which is below anger and, instead of wasting his/her time on anger and all complications and endless circle of manipulation that anger brings, deals with real issues that are at the root of all anger. To hate is to abuse your energy, abuse your time, abuse your possibilities. To see an ocean of hatred that she sees in the eyes of a satan is sad and depressing, not because she cares about the satan, no, he has decided to make anger his own personal god for warship, his own personal life stimulation, his own personal life achievement, no, she is sad because she has to see the ocean of hatred, ocean of hatred towards her. That is what he thinks. It is directed to her. Yet, that is not the case. She has nothing to do with the ocean of hatred he feels for her. She is simply a mirror he hates about Him, about all he missed, he has got mistaken, he has abused himself and others. Hatred towards himself taking it all so wrongly, so badly, so perverted. He hates himself. She wanted to know if she should have ever, know she knows - NO. He gave her and answer to eternal question. NO. Nobody can enlighten somebody else. Rot in his hell forever. He cannot harm her any more. The scream to the sky of a missed chance, of a done deal, of a cooked meal, a scream - how he would have killed her, and chop in pieces, and eat her flesh and drink her blood, this is how much he hates "her". She sees. She understands. She disgusts with him. NOTHING can change that.

 

[Jamie]

I think if he had a profile on dating sites then yes it was wrong. I also feel that if they are in chat room such as yahoo and engaging in sexual conversations. No I don't think there is anything wrong with that. People get bored. Its a way to pass the time.

If it made you uncomfortable you should have talked to him about it. I think your choice to dump him was a little harsh. You say you have no droughts about what you did but if that was true you wouldn't be asking such things on here.

If you are secure with your relationship then it should be perfectly ok for a partner to engage in porn or erotic chat (to an extent) as long as pics, cams, voice, phone, names, or locations are not shared it should be ok.