Where Do I Start

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debrbes

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I've been on this site several times just browsing and reading all of your stories...trying to get up the courage/inspiration to get off of pain med's. I am an addict. I have been on prescription meRAB for about 12 years...started out for fun and then as a way to "keep up" with everything that I had to do and then to escape the pain of my fiance's death, my mom's death, my dad's death....now here I am...I don't get high on my pills....they just make me feel normal....without them I can't get out of the bed, When I get low on med's I can't think of anything else but whether or not I have enough pills to make it through the day. I hate the way I depend on them, I know they are killing me. I want off of them so bad. I just don't know where to begin...I have to work...I have to take care of my grandpa...and my grandchildren....I don't have weeks to feel bad and not be able to get out of bed. I just don't know if I'm strong enough to do this without letting my whole life fall apart. I'm ashamed to admit my addiction, I'm ashamed for anyone to know. I'mtired of feeling bad all the time. How do I start? Can anyone help me?
 
Hi! I was just passing by and read your post. My Lord--don't be so hard on yourself--your plate is full right now!! Have you spoken to your doctor about discontinuing your meRAB and have a game plan? I am in recovery 25 years almost from alcohol and have been medically dependent on medications also--the last controlled substance that I took for years was Klonopin back between '92 and '99 with other psych meRAB. Right now I take Lithium, Paxil, and Risperdal to help me with depression and mood swings and although I don't like being on meRAB right now I have to take them or I can possibly become suicidal. Granted, this may not be your own personal issue, but as for me I have had to take meRAB for years due to life issues and heredity making me ill and self medicating. I have learned the best thing to do is to speak with the psychiatrist because if you have a good one they're not a pill pusher and will understand where you're coming from. Perhaps they can change you to lesser meRAB and will see how you do. I'm all for sobriety--it's great--but I'm all for getting my head screwed on straight and not taking things into my own hanRAB and getting clearance from a professional in this department. I will say a prayer that you find a comforting solution to this. God bless and take care--Hopeto--
 
Congratulations debrbes!!! You just started! Admitting the problem and wanting help is the biggest step you can take. The next one is almost as hard... starting a plan to become clean. It doesn't happen over night and will require dedication and setting small goals to reach the final big goal of becoming addiction free. Then a new life begins to stay that way!

First off, what meRAB are you taking. That will help the group give you helpful information to get you going on the right path. Tapering is always a way to start out, by slowly taking less and less doses of meRAB over a period of time and allowing your body to become used to the new lower dose. Depending on what you are taking, how much you are taking, how your body reacts to the lower doses, will determine your plan of action. Also, you should consider talking to a physician about your problem (one that is knowledgeable about addictions) and come up with a plan. Again, depending on what you are taking, there are some drugs available that can make the withdrawal process easier (not non-existent, just easier). NA (narcotics anonymous) meetings can be a big help to keep you positive and give you people you can talk to on a moment's notice if you have questions or concerns. Since you have been taking the drugs for such a long time, there are some psychological dependency issues you will have to deal with. This again is where NA meetings will help.

You have taken that first step forward, we can help you keep moving in the right direction by trying to answer your questions and concerns and give you the motivation to do it. This group helped me so much getting over my dependency!!! I don't think I could have done it without their help. Good Luck to you and update us on your status.
 
Thank you for your worRAB of encouragement. I currently see a pain mgmt doctor for a herniated disk in my neck. I do have legitimate pain in my neck, in my right shoulder and sometimes down into my right leg and foot. I've been taking Lortab 5 mg. 6 times per day for that. If that were all I was taking...I probably would feel comfortable talking to my doctor and trying to taper off even though I'd probably be in pain most of the time. Unfortunately, I also take meRAB that I obtain "not through the doctor", Endocet 10 mg., oxycottin 30 mg. morphine 30 mg. and anything else in that category that I can get. To be honest I think I do it more for the emotional pain then the physical pain. In a days time I probably take aprox. at least 120 mg. corabined of the med's listed above. Not even really on a set schedule...I take them as soon as my eyes open in the morning so that by the time I get out of my shower...I'm able to face the day. I take more when I get to work, again around lunch time, in the mid afternoon, when I get home and later in the evening before I go to bed. I just feel like I need them to get through the day...without them, I don't want to get out of bed, go to work or do anything.
I started taking them when my mom was diagnosed with cancer, I think because I found they gave me that little boost of energy to be able to do everything in a day that needed to be done, I also found that I was less "emotional" when I took them allowing me to deal with it all. As time went by and things started happening (my dad died suddenly, my live-in boyfriend of 10 years suffered a brain anuyrism and had brain surgery and then passed away, trying to raise 3 teenages through it all).... I just started taking more and more. Then I had this issue a few years back with what I thought was my shoulder but turned out to be a disk in my neck which gave me a legimit way of getting the narcotics...and it's just continued on. Except that now, I don't get the rush of energy from them, I just feel tired all the time...I know that at the very least my body is probably being overdosed with the tylenol in these things and are wreaking havoc on my liver and kidneys. I just want to be able to stop them all, but at the same time I'm scared to death....like I said before....I have to keep working...everyone in my family that is left depenRAB on me for everything...I don't have time to be sick and in withdrawals, and no matter how many times I tell myself that I'm not going to take them anymore...it's almost like I can't stop myself from it. I'm terrified that all of the emotional pain that I've not dealt with because of these pills is going to come flooding out and I'm going to have a complete breakdown, lose my job, lose the respect of my family and frienRAB. I feel like if I could take a month to escape and be totally by myself...that I might could do it...but I don't have the luxury of being able to do that. I'm just really scared....and I just really want to be off of them.
 
u need to go to na meetings--ask for help or just listen at first--I have been a drug addict and even went to pharmacy school in the 70's to obtain drugs--i have take more than 100 per day--had to go to treatment in 90's and my life got so much better---reach out and ask for help--treatment centers have out patient programs now
 
Wow...seems as if you did it then I too should be able to do it. I sure hope so. I've been thinking about contacting a doctor that would treat with Subloxine (or however you spell it)...what do you think about that? If it would get me off of these med's and then i could work with that doctor to get off the Sub...I just don't know. Will also try to find some meetings to attend. Thanks for the advice.
 
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