Whenever I'm Upset or mad, i have these urges? Please prevent me from doing this...

[Albert]

...in any situation!? Whenever I get made fun of or treated As being like nothing. I have these urges where I have these feelings (may be due to my learning disabilities) of Murder and violence And Mentalness Borrowed off of many Video Games, Movies, and Comics Book Villians/Heroes along with actual Real Murders in reality. These murder Violences i think of involves Shooting, Stabbing, Severing, Skinning, and Sometimes thoughts of committing suicide on myself. Also when I'm stressed i Scratch my arms and harmless tools to try and cut myself so I can bleed and show how much of a Man I am than being referred to as a coward. I also have that feeling like those guys that did Columbine High School Shooting but mine is more more twisted and I try to control myself of being normal and when I think of my EX GF's Best friend, I have these feelings of well... Getting rid of him in the worse ways possible. When people call me slow or mental or Ratarded esspecially some of my cousins and past friends, I have this feeling where I want to assisinate them and totally watch them die slowly and painfully. Another thing that gets me motivated in thinking thoughts like that is rock and evil sounding video game music esspecially in Fighting Games that get me thinking thoughts of people dying and suffering, so I can feel better inside. In person I'm a nice Teen and guy that never Does Drugs, Smoke, and kill. But when something happens I get these feelings and sometimes I wish that i could just Save Myself or Sacrifice my Life for God to forgive me or just try to attempt suicide but it never happens. Help me and Save Me from becoming a mentally Learning Disability Wacko. Cause I want a future with my ex and want my amusement park career so much.