breaking a bone? Awhile ago I was so stressed out over losing my parents’ love if I didn’t complete this yardwork task for which we were missing a tool that I broke a bone on purpose, because I felt it was the only excuse for not getting the job done that would be alright with them. They do NOT know it was on purpose. I felt horribly wasting everyone’s time (theirs, the doctor’s); I hadn’t been thinking clearly at the time I was breaking it (and hadn’t thought beyond, “I can’t lose my parents’ love.”).
I have a big test tomorrow (well, actually in a matter of hours at this point). I’m so scared of earning even a 99 on it because I’ll then lose my overall GPA of 100. For some reason, that stress made me really upset over past sexual abuse. It’s lame, but I just keep on crying over it. I swore I’d never let what happened interfere with my life, and I just can’t earn less than a 100 on that test. However, I’m really upset over not being able to validate what happened. I can’t do both anymore (deal with school and with my secret).
My professor is really nice and would understand if she knew the truth (she’s let people take tests home before and such), however, I’m obviously not going to tell her (since why on earth would I share sexual abuse with my professor?). I tried explaining to her that I have anxiety (which is what the person who helped me make my schedule suggested), but since I’m super bubbly and because of my grades she tells me to just remain calm and that I’m very bright. I’m stupid, and it’s also really hard for me to relax.
Anyway, I don’t want to break a bone and yet I’m doing to myself what I did last time I broke one. I don’t know what else to do, as idiotic as that sounds. The school psychologist will hate me if I make one more same-day appointment (I’ve seen her twice and each time I made a same-day appointment; we didn’t have actual sessions or anything, I just asked her a question and got out of there both times); I’m NOT doing that again, no matter what, I can’t stand upsetting people and she was definitely upset last time (an upset person is the last person I want to tell about my issue, but really I feel incredibly guilty that she’s mad at me).
What should I do? What’s a good thing to do at this point to make this situation with my test work out? My main concern is school; I’m just upset that the past is interfering in my present (when I used to be really good at separating from it). I don’t think I can do the test right now (I know the information, but, like I said above, I can’t do both school and my secret anymore). I’m such a bad person.
I appreciate your time. Thank you.
I have a big test tomorrow (well, actually in a matter of hours at this point). I’m so scared of earning even a 99 on it because I’ll then lose my overall GPA of 100. For some reason, that stress made me really upset over past sexual abuse. It’s lame, but I just keep on crying over it. I swore I’d never let what happened interfere with my life, and I just can’t earn less than a 100 on that test. However, I’m really upset over not being able to validate what happened. I can’t do both anymore (deal with school and with my secret).
My professor is really nice and would understand if she knew the truth (she’s let people take tests home before and such), however, I’m obviously not going to tell her (since why on earth would I share sexual abuse with my professor?). I tried explaining to her that I have anxiety (which is what the person who helped me make my schedule suggested), but since I’m super bubbly and because of my grades she tells me to just remain calm and that I’m very bright. I’m stupid, and it’s also really hard for me to relax.
Anyway, I don’t want to break a bone and yet I’m doing to myself what I did last time I broke one. I don’t know what else to do, as idiotic as that sounds. The school psychologist will hate me if I make one more same-day appointment (I’ve seen her twice and each time I made a same-day appointment; we didn’t have actual sessions or anything, I just asked her a question and got out of there both times); I’m NOT doing that again, no matter what, I can’t stand upsetting people and she was definitely upset last time (an upset person is the last person I want to tell about my issue, but really I feel incredibly guilty that she’s mad at me).
What should I do? What’s a good thing to do at this point to make this situation with my test work out? My main concern is school; I’m just upset that the past is interfering in my present (when I used to be really good at separating from it). I don’t think I can do the test right now (I know the information, but, like I said above, I can’t do both school and my secret anymore). I’m such a bad person.
I appreciate your time. Thank you.