What you think of my first poem in like years? Plz no harsh critisism :]?

Reveron

New member
You couldn’t carry it down much deeper,
To dig hole under your own feet,
And when she trembles her arms at your face
She drags you with her so sweet,

Could you tell me?
Why the sun goes under me whenever you open your eyes
And
How a once flight bird lives like a bat in the night

You couldn’t fall much sicker
With your head at her knees
You dragged yourself into a place so under earth,
Where we let the hell live

And you told me,
How the sun goes down whenever you are around
And how a once flight bird with its wings ripped off,
Learns to hop on the ground.

We are where the savage sleeps
Where the death breathes
Where the cold air burns
And the silent screams
Where the found is lost
And where the lost has no cause
Where the saints are outlawed
And your savior is just a fawn

As you let it slip,
There will be nothing to save you
Your hand is gone, once I let go of it.

im not doneee
 
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