What will this be? Poem? Maybe...?

B

bobby's girl

New member
A fat toady on a rock
Blinked his golden eye
And didn't seem to mind me
As I passed him by

I fought my way through briars
And through swampy marsh
And made my way through terrain
Every bit as harsh

I had the map in my mind
A vague memory
But knew that I would know it
When I found the tree

We'd carved our initials there
When my dad and me
Camped out one night long ago
Beneath the big oak tree

It was where we found the cache
Treasures from a time
Made of flint and some of chert
'Neath a stone of lime

Was on my father's death bed
He said a spirit came
The flints were left in memory
Of the spirit's name

So I must return them
And place them as we'd found
Neath the rock of lime
And hidden in the ground

Knowing I would not return
But leave the place in peace
I placed the flints as we'd found
Each long-cherished piece

I went to tell my father
A toad was on his grave
He blinked his golden eye
And then he hopped away.
Too sweet, huh? Yeah, I 'spect it is.

Gonna go back & make a new one - add a little red wine vinegar to it & we'll see what happens. LOL
 
It's a good little poem. Just keep writing and you will refine it more if you wish. I would suggest either sticking to rhyme or blank verse. Still to me its hard to be critical of poetry since it is a personal thing like art, contrary to English critics.
I was lost and tossed on a misty morning by a drunken sailor and the genie in the bottle let me down,
I was raised on Cain, in the name of the Father and the Mother and the brother and the other who was never even round,
On a windswept coast with the Black Knight falling I was heard to be calling that my ship and all its crew were going down,
As the sun ran slowly by a childhood rivulet a jeweled King summoned me, commanding that I run and tell the town,
Saw you, saw me, run quickly now,
Run and hide away,
Run and hide today.

In a room in a castle full of faceless lovers I was cut and bleeding and the image in the mirror struck me down,
I was chased and beaten by a well-drilled team of little men breathing colors and abandoned in a coffin in the ground,
As a pale young virgin made a meal of a martyr she was hailed as Holy by the only ones who stood and held their ground,
When a bright Mona Lisa with the eyes of a tiger read a new proclamation I was stricken from her list and never found,
Saw you, saw me, run quickly now,
Run and hide away,
Run and hide today.
Seems they come and go so quickly,
Disappear like sunlight in the evening,
And they may not ever be explained.

Seems like they come and go so quickly,
Disappearin' in the air like a breath of wind,
And they may not ever be explained,
And I woke up thinkin' I was dyin',
If you find one hang on with all you got
Way down deep, deep in your soul,
For it may not ever come again,
And I woke up crying like a baby,
Hey yay yay yay...
No they may not ever be explained.
 
It's a good little poem. Just keep writing and you will refine it more if you wish. I would suggest either sticking to rhyme or blank verse. Still to me its hard to be critical of poetry since it is a personal thing like art, contrary to English critics.
I was lost and tossed on a misty morning by a drunken sailor and the genie in the bottle let me down,
I was raised on Cain, in the name of the Father and the Mother and the brother and the other who was never even round,
On a windswept coast with the Black Knight falling I was heard to be calling that my ship and all its crew were going down,
As the sun ran slowly by a childhood rivulet a jeweled King summoned me, commanding that I run and tell the town,
Saw you, saw me, run quickly now,
Run and hide away,
Run and hide today.

In a room in a castle full of faceless lovers I was cut and bleeding and the image in the mirror struck me down,
I was chased and beaten by a well-drilled team of little men breathing colors and abandoned in a coffin in the ground,
As a pale young virgin made a meal of a martyr she was hailed as Holy by the only ones who stood and held their ground,
When a bright Mona Lisa with the eyes of a tiger read a new proclamation I was stricken from her list and never found,
Saw you, saw me, run quickly now,
Run and hide away,
Run and hide today.
Seems they come and go so quickly,
Disappear like sunlight in the evening,
And they may not ever be explained.

Seems like they come and go so quickly,
Disappearin' in the air like a breath of wind,
And they may not ever be explained,
And I woke up thinkin' I was dyin',
If you find one hang on with all you got
Way down deep, deep in your soul,
For it may not ever come again,
And I woke up crying like a baby,
Hey yay yay yay...
No they may not ever be explained.
 
It's a good little poem. Just keep writing and you will refine it more if you wish. I would suggest either sticking to rhyme or blank verse. Still to me its hard to be critical of poetry since it is a personal thing like art, contrary to English critics.
I was lost and tossed on a misty morning by a drunken sailor and the genie in the bottle let me down,
I was raised on Cain, in the name of the Father and the Mother and the brother and the other who was never even round,
On a windswept coast with the Black Knight falling I was heard to be calling that my ship and all its crew were going down,
As the sun ran slowly by a childhood rivulet a jeweled King summoned me, commanding that I run and tell the town,
Saw you, saw me, run quickly now,
Run and hide away,
Run and hide today.

In a room in a castle full of faceless lovers I was cut and bleeding and the image in the mirror struck me down,
I was chased and beaten by a well-drilled team of little men breathing colors and abandoned in a coffin in the ground,
As a pale young virgin made a meal of a martyr she was hailed as Holy by the only ones who stood and held their ground,
When a bright Mona Lisa with the eyes of a tiger read a new proclamation I was stricken from her list and never found,
Saw you, saw me, run quickly now,
Run and hide away,
Run and hide today.
Seems they come and go so quickly,
Disappear like sunlight in the evening,
And they may not ever be explained.

Seems like they come and go so quickly,
Disappearin' in the air like a breath of wind,
And they may not ever be explained,
And I woke up thinkin' I was dyin',
If you find one hang on with all you got
Way down deep, deep in your soul,
For it may not ever come again,
And I woke up crying like a baby,
Hey yay yay yay...
No they may not ever be explained.
 
It's a good little poem. Just keep writing and you will refine it more if you wish. I would suggest either sticking to rhyme or blank verse. Still to me its hard to be critical of poetry since it is a personal thing like art, contrary to English critics.
I was lost and tossed on a misty morning by a drunken sailor and the genie in the bottle let me down,
I was raised on Cain, in the name of the Father and the Mother and the brother and the other who was never even round,
On a windswept coast with the Black Knight falling I was heard to be calling that my ship and all its crew were going down,
As the sun ran slowly by a childhood rivulet a jeweled King summoned me, commanding that I run and tell the town,
Saw you, saw me, run quickly now,
Run and hide away,
Run and hide today.

In a room in a castle full of faceless lovers I was cut and bleeding and the image in the mirror struck me down,
I was chased and beaten by a well-drilled team of little men breathing colors and abandoned in a coffin in the ground,
As a pale young virgin made a meal of a martyr she was hailed as Holy by the only ones who stood and held their ground,
When a bright Mona Lisa with the eyes of a tiger read a new proclamation I was stricken from her list and never found,
Saw you, saw me, run quickly now,
Run and hide away,
Run and hide today.
Seems they come and go so quickly,
Disappear like sunlight in the evening,
And they may not ever be explained.

Seems like they come and go so quickly,
Disappearin' in the air like a breath of wind,
And they may not ever be explained,
And I woke up thinkin' I was dyin',
If you find one hang on with all you got
Way down deep, deep in your soul,
For it may not ever come again,
And I woke up crying like a baby,
Hey yay yay yay...
No they may not ever be explained.
 
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