I think (well tbh am pretty certain) i'm gay but i seriously can't admit it to myself let alone anyone else, i mean i've tried to tell my best friend but i can't, I always try to come off straight to people and sort of am a little bit homophobic. I only watch gay porn and only find the male figure attractive but every-time i actually masturbate to porn i feel dirty and hate myself and start thinking really homophobic thoughts such as 'its not natural'...e.t.c.
My mum is a homophobe in denial too she can't look at gay kissing on the t.v and has said "I'm fine with gay people but couldn't ever imagine it being my child" and other little comments like that, my dad is black and openly homophobic to me, i know it'd kill him if i ever told him.
I want to be straight and think that i will just end up being in a loveless straight relationship just to have kids and save face. I don't know why i'm posting this...maybe just to get it out but if you do have any ideas, What should i do?
My mum is a homophobe in denial too she can't look at gay kissing on the t.v and has said "I'm fine with gay people but couldn't ever imagine it being my child" and other little comments like that, my dad is black and openly homophobic to me, i know it'd kill him if i ever told him.
I want to be straight and think that i will just end up being in a loveless straight relationship just to have kids and save face. I don't know why i'm posting this...maybe just to get it out but if you do have any ideas, What should i do?