What should I do about my in-law problem?

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xbrokenxbutterflyx

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My husband's mom, dad, step dad, and step mom, along with his brother and sister are cool. I love them to death. But his mother's extended family are a nightmare. I am the total opposite of these people and I always feel judged when I am around them. They are VERY family oriented, and like to do stuff all the time. But I don't like doing anything with them. And what makes it worse, is that we live on the same street as all of these people. (We can't afford to move right now, but my husband says even if we did we would hear it 3 times as bad). My husband has a very hard time with this, partly bcuz he is more family oriented, and partly because he hears the bullcrap about why I never come with him. but I just don't feel comfortable with them, and don't like being around them. Any advice?
But its not all of them that I feel uncomfortable with. Its just a few of them. His grandfather told my sister that he didnt know why my husband married me, and when I am around them, I feel judged. But all the negative remarks makes me not want to be around them. It seems when I do make an effort, they end up saying something negative to me, that makes me not want to go back. I also don't feel like I have to go with my husband EVERY time. I know that I should go for my husband, but its hard sometimes, especially because we have so many problems, and are in the midst of contemplating separation/divorce. I don't want to pretend everything is ok.
 
Sounds like you are the problem and not the family. My mom is not big on huge get together, and yet she will still go because they are family. Suck it up and join in. They are YOUR family now. Try and have fun.
 
Your husband needs to stand up for you. When someone says something unkind, report it to your husband so he can talk to the offender. He should explain that he will not tolerate negetive comments. If the comments don't stop, he should not go either.
 
Stay as you are. You are doing the best thing. If you try to please them, then you'll give them more to talk about. Whatever you do, don't do it in excess. You can show your face at times, but don't stay long.
 
I think it may be your problem, not their's. Why do these people make you feel like an outsider? No matter where you go in th world you will always find different types of people. - You can still be on good terms with them without surrendering yourself or your values. Just remember that attitude determines altitude.

If it makes your husband happy to be with them, you should support your husband and go with him. What is an afternoon or evening or a weekend for the man that you love.

IF IT IS THEM: Try and figure out what emotional payoff they get for making you feel like an outsider. Once you have established that you could try and figure a way to deal with it then.
 
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