R
rosiereal
Guest
the girl is a geek - how about if you substitute any 'rude' words for vegetables? That would certainly amuse me! Lol!
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F
finglas9
Guest
Two I find very funny > (1) A man walks into a pub and stands at the bar next to a man with a Labrador dog sat beside him. "excuse me" he says, "does your dog bite" The man replies, "No". So the other man strokes the dog and the dog bites his hand. "Bloody hell - I thought you said your dog doesn't bite"!! Said the first man. The second man replies; "Its not my dog" !!
(2) Three Irishmen go for a job interview in Dublin. They are sat in he waiting room when the manager comes out and says > "Look Murphy, Dougherty and Reilly your CV s are the same I cant put a fag paper between yis" "So, i will call yis in the office one at a time and ask yis a question the one who gets it right gets the job".
"Mr Murphy, you first". "Now, I have something behind my back its round, its a Fruit and it begins with the letter N, N as in Norman".
"Em" says Murphy, "is it a Napple?" "No" says the manager "you haven't got the job".
"Mr Dougherty, you next" > He repeats the question. Dougherty says. "Is it a Norange"? "No" says the manager, "you haven't got the job".
The same with Reilly who answers, "Is it a Nanna"
"No your all wrong its a Nunion" Asserts the manager.
(2) Three Irishmen go for a job interview in Dublin. They are sat in he waiting room when the manager comes out and says > "Look Murphy, Dougherty and Reilly your CV s are the same I cant put a fag paper between yis" "So, i will call yis in the office one at a time and ask yis a question the one who gets it right gets the job".
"Mr Murphy, you first". "Now, I have something behind my back its round, its a Fruit and it begins with the letter N, N as in Norman".
"Em" says Murphy, "is it a Napple?" "No" says the manager "you haven't got the job".
"Mr Dougherty, you next" > He repeats the question. Dougherty says. "Is it a Norange"? "No" says the manager, "you haven't got the job".
The same with Reilly who answers, "Is it a Nanna"
"No your all wrong its a Nunion" Asserts the manager.
T
The Saint
Guest
The kindergarten class had a homework assignment to find out about something exciting and relate it to the class the next day. When the time came for the little kids to give their reports, the teacher was calling on them one at a time. She was reluctant to call on little Johnny, knowing that he sometimes could be a bit crude. But, eventually, his turn came.
Little Johnny walked up to the front of the class and, with a piece of chalk, made a small white dot on the blackboard, then sat back down.
Well, the teacher couldn't figure out what Johnny had in mind for his report on something exciting, so she asked him just what that was.
"It's a period," reported Johnny.
"Well, I can see that," she said, "but what's so exciting about a period?"
"Damned if I know", said Johnny, "but, this morning, my sister said she missed one. Dad had a heart attack, Mom fainted, and the man next door suddenly left town.!"
Little Johnny walked up to the front of the class and, with a piece of chalk, made a small white dot on the blackboard, then sat back down.
Well, the teacher couldn't figure out what Johnny had in mind for his report on something exciting, so she asked him just what that was.
"It's a period," reported Johnny.
"Well, I can see that," she said, "but what's so exciting about a period?"
"Damned if I know", said Johnny, "but, this morning, my sister said she missed one. Dad had a heart attack, Mom fainted, and the man next door suddenly left town.!"
S
soupkitty
Guest
Whether Democrat or Republican, I think you'll get a kick out of this!
A little boy goes to his dad and asks, 'What is Politics?'
Dad says, 'Well son, let me try to explain it this way:
I am the head of the family, so call me The President .
Your mother is the administrator of the money, so we call her the Government.
We are here to take care of your needs, so we will call you the People.
The nanny, we will consider her the Working Class.
And your baby brother, we will call him the Future.
Now think about that and see if it makes sense.'
So the little boy goes off to bed thinking about what Dad has said. Later that night, he hears his baby brother crying, so he gets up to check on him.
He finds that the baby has severely soiled his diaper.
So the little boy goes to his parents' room and finds his mother asleep. Not wanting to wake her, he goes to the nanny's room. Finding the door l ocked, he peeks in the keyhole and sees his father in bed with the nanny. He gives up and goes back to bed.
The next morning, the little boy say's to his father, 'Dad, I think I understand the concept of politics now.'
The father says, 'Good, son, tell me in your own words what you think politics is all about.'
The little boy replies, 'The President is screwing the Working Class while the Government is sound asleep. The People are being ignored and the Future is in deep sh*t.
-------------------
A little boy goes to his dad and asks, 'What is Politics?'
Dad says, 'Well son, let me try to explain it this way:
I am the head of the family, so call me The President .
Your mother is the administrator of the money, so we call her the Government.
We are here to take care of your needs, so we will call you the People.
The nanny, we will consider her the Working Class.
And your baby brother, we will call him the Future.
Now think about that and see if it makes sense.'
So the little boy goes off to bed thinking about what Dad has said. Later that night, he hears his baby brother crying, so he gets up to check on him.
He finds that the baby has severely soiled his diaper.
So the little boy goes to his parents' room and finds his mother asleep. Not wanting to wake her, he goes to the nanny's room. Finding the door l ocked, he peeks in the keyhole and sees his father in bed with the nanny. He gives up and goes back to bed.
The next morning, the little boy say's to his father, 'Dad, I think I understand the concept of politics now.'
The father says, 'Good, son, tell me in your own words what you think politics is all about.'
The little boy replies, 'The President is screwing the Working Class while the Government is sound asleep. The People are being ignored and the Future is in deep sh*t.
-------------------
S
SpringBunny
Guest
http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;_ylt=ArHTUJu44sF95_JYm2JMrDzsy6IX;_ylv=3?qid=20080923071722AA7LI2X
look at this one, it made me chuckle quite a lot... =P
look at this one, it made me chuckle quite a lot... =P
T
The girl is a geek.
Guest
If I told you, I would get a violation notice for sure!
S
Silke
Guest
Fred went for a check up today and the doctor said "you will have to stop masturbating" Fred said "why is it causing health problems" he said "no I'm trying to examine you."