awakenings76
New member
I am trying to replace the word "fading" in a poem, but I am looking to create a certain image or feel. The stanza reads:
In the middle
I sit
trying to allow the intimate shame
and stench
of the cigarette
to drown them both out.
My own fire seems to be fading, at last.
A lifetime of yearning
for the baby to sleep, the bills to be paid.
for the dinner to cook itself, and the beds to be made
has finally
worn me down.
I am trying to play on the image of fire so I have tried words like "smoldering" or "losing steam" or "extinguishing", but they don't seem to flow or fit the way I would like. Think in terms of feeling defeated or almost indifferent.
Please just throw thoughts out there, or if you think one the other words/phrases I mentioned fits better please feel free to mention that too. Thank you!
In the middle
I sit
trying to allow the intimate shame
and stench
of the cigarette
to drown them both out.
My own fire seems to be fading, at last.
A lifetime of yearning
for the baby to sleep, the bills to be paid.
for the dinner to cook itself, and the beds to be made
has finally
worn me down.
I am trying to play on the image of fire so I have tried words like "smoldering" or "losing steam" or "extinguishing", but they don't seem to flow or fit the way I would like. Think in terms of feeling defeated or almost indifferent.
Please just throw thoughts out there, or if you think one the other words/phrases I mentioned fits better please feel free to mention that too. Thank you!