Hello I wrote this song out of boredom. I think it has a pretty complex theme but I think it's a bit... concealed. Anyways, I think the song is probably not grabby enough and is bad but w/e. I also hate my last line of the chorus on the last chorus... I need something better for it. >.< Also the poem is right now unnamed.
Forever on a mission
Maybe in disguise
Chasing your ambition
A star never to rise
(Dawn melts away)
(Dawn melts away)
And you came to the place
That spot so long ago
The sun descended and never rose
The flowers wilted there
And light never returned
But why did you care?
Was it to find me alone?
Is it your mind or elsewhere
Am I still in the shadows?
Fulfill your contrition
Something to despise
Coalesce the fission
The cells that seem to lyse
(Dawn melts away)
(Dawn melts away)
And you came to the place
That spot so long ago
The sun descended and never rose
The flowers froze there
And light never burned
But why did you care?
Was it to find me here?
Is it your mind or elsewhere
Am I still in the shadows?
Is everything fiction
Can you move past the lies
Is sorrow your addiction
The devil never cries
(Dawn melts away)
(Dawn melts away)
And you came to the place
That spot so long ago
The sun descended and never rose
The flowers wilted there
And light never returned
But why did you care?
Was it to find me alone?
Is it your mind or somewhere else
Am I still in the shadows?
Scream and shout,
Scream and shout,
Can't you find your way back out?
Hug me 'til I'm dry of life
Suck me 'til you know my strife
Let my pestilence spread to you
The one who made your dreams come true
And you came to the place
That spot so long ago
All lights faded and never awoke
Woe took my flowers
Fallen to the scorched ground
But why did you care?
Was it to find me alone?
Am I of your mind or elsewhere
Sealed within your shadows?
I guess I'll never know
My rose wilted within you.
(Dawn melts away)
(Dawn melts to grey)
Please give suggestions constructive criticism, maybe what you got from it, etc... Not just "It was great" and absolutely nothing else. Don't even bother answering if you aren't going to answer my "question" thoroughly.
Thanks.
Forever on a mission
Maybe in disguise
Chasing your ambition
A star never to rise
(Dawn melts away)
(Dawn melts away)
And you came to the place
That spot so long ago
The sun descended and never rose
The flowers wilted there
And light never returned
But why did you care?
Was it to find me alone?
Is it your mind or elsewhere
Am I still in the shadows?
Fulfill your contrition
Something to despise
Coalesce the fission
The cells that seem to lyse
(Dawn melts away)
(Dawn melts away)
And you came to the place
That spot so long ago
The sun descended and never rose
The flowers froze there
And light never burned
But why did you care?
Was it to find me here?
Is it your mind or elsewhere
Am I still in the shadows?
Is everything fiction
Can you move past the lies
Is sorrow your addiction
The devil never cries
(Dawn melts away)
(Dawn melts away)
And you came to the place
That spot so long ago
The sun descended and never rose
The flowers wilted there
And light never returned
But why did you care?
Was it to find me alone?
Is it your mind or somewhere else
Am I still in the shadows?
Scream and shout,
Scream and shout,
Can't you find your way back out?
Hug me 'til I'm dry of life
Suck me 'til you know my strife
Let my pestilence spread to you
The one who made your dreams come true
And you came to the place
That spot so long ago
All lights faded and never awoke
Woe took my flowers
Fallen to the scorched ground
But why did you care?
Was it to find me alone?
Am I of your mind or elsewhere
Sealed within your shadows?
I guess I'll never know
My rose wilted within you.
(Dawn melts away)
(Dawn melts to grey)
Please give suggestions constructive criticism, maybe what you got from it, etc... Not just "It was great" and absolutely nothing else. Don't even bother answering if you aren't going to answer my "question" thoroughly.
Thanks.