WHat do you think of this...poem?

  • Thread starter Thread starter **CaTeRiNa**
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**CaTeRiNa**

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The ONE and Only.
By: Caterina



i will climb the tallest Mountains,
Crawl through the fiercest fire,
swim through the highest waves,
just to see your face.

Die in an instant.
Burn to death,
Lose my breath.
Just to hear your voice.

Give everything up,
Get my heart broken.
Just to be held in your arms once again.

I will do anything just to get to you.
To have your arm on the small of my back.
Hearing your voice. say, “Just Relax”

To see your white robe,
i will run a mile.
Walk on water,
Just to see your bright smile.

I will lay on a cross with nails in my hand,
just to prove i love you more than any other man.
All i want is to be in Heaven,
I will do anything for my dream to come true.
You make me smile,
Make me feel loved.
All i have to say.
is your my true love!!

* I L-O-V-E -Y-O-U *

P.s. This is about God
 
It's basic idea is good,
but it has flow issues.
somtimes it seems like your using a word that doesnt fit,
just to make it rhyme.
also, "i will run a mile",
a mile isn't that much,
what about changing it to,
"i will run a thousand miles"?
 
It is very choppy, and it needs work. You'll need to fix up some punctuation and sentence structure, stanza structure, etc. It's a bit nacho cheesy, but depending on what this is for, it's all right.

By the way, just because I critique you honestly, doesn't mean that my post is negative and borderline flaming.
 
I love it, I thought it was about a guy at first but i still think it is really good!
 
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