what do you think of this poem i made?

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metallicafan2348

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i see her tears of deep sorrow
because i might not make it to tomorrow

my happiness was because of her
but changed because she found another

i told her of my sadness and depression
she walked away, then begun the repression

she says i will be fine and ok
but that thought changed after today

never will she understand
that i miss the times where i held her hand

she was moved on, and so have i
but sometimes i cant resist to have a tear in my eye
 
Not bad ... the sentiment is good, quite touching; the grammer might need a little polishing, but then I'm no expert - so, for poetry, it's probably acceptable. The bottom line is that I got it and it was sweet.
 
Actually, a pretty decent start, but you sort-of lost track of what you wanted to communicate. Minor point - check the meaning of the word repression; I don't think that was what you wanted to convery. The topic is worth more effort. Decide what point you want to make and work toward that, rather than just writing down thoughts as they come to you.
 
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