What Do You Think Of This Poem? Be Honest Pleas!?

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Cameron M

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Sitting Here, Thinking Of You.

Your Eyes, Green And Gray,
Like An April Day.

Your Hair, Golden As Tints Of Sunrise,
Dropped On Your Cheeks Like A Sea-Weed Clam-

Your Lips, Like Twilight Water,
Lovely Song That Ripples As It Flows,

And The Smile She Uses,
Fills Up The Silence Like A Speech,

Your Cheeks,
Soft As July Peaches.

An Ardent Face,
Out-looking Like A Star.

A Mystery, Soft, Soothing And Gentle, Like The Whipser Of A Child Murmuring Its Happiness In Its Sleep.

A Voice Whose Sound Was Like The Sea.
Speaking Words As Soft As Rain,

Your Laugh,
Like A Rainbow-Tinted Spray.

Supple And Sweet,
As A Rose In Bloom.

Sitting Here, Thinking Of You,
Love Smiled Like An Unclouded Sun,
I Love You.

No Not Mad Coppertop, Thanks For The Advice Very Much So :)
 
You ASKED, okay, so don't get mad. You use too many words. You don't have to say "like" when you compare her. I think it's awesome. You must love her. Sorry I hacked up your poem.

Sitting Here, Thinking Of You.

Your Eyes, Green And Gray,
Like An April Day. >>this is the only one that rhymes, can u change to gray and green?

Your Hair, Golden As Tints Of Sunrise,
Dropped On Your Cheeks Like A Sea-Weed Clam- >>seaweed clam? how about honey seaweed? anything besides seaweed clam

Your Lips, Like Twilight Water, >>makes me think of a goth with dark lips. maybe "smooth as twilight water"
Lovely Song That Ripples As It Flows, >>This is beautiful

And The Smile She Uses, >>she who? you've been using "you" the whole time...
Fills Up The Silence as if Speech,

Your Cheeks,
Soft As July Peaches.

An Ardent Face,
Out-looking Like A Star.>>umm, it's okay

A Mystery; Soft, Soothing >>it was too wordy
Gentle, The Whisper Of A Child Murmuring Happiness In Sleep

A Voice the sound of the Sea
Speaking Words soft As Rain

Your Laugh,
A Rainbow-Tinted Spray.

Supple And Sweet, >>>what is supple and sweet?
As A Rose In Bloom.

Sitting Here, Thinking Of You,
Love Smiled Like An Unclouded Sun,
I Love You.
 
Very good. It's pure, packed with descriptive words. LOVED IT. i do hope you keep writing and become a poet. =D

goodluck.

if anyone says it's bad then they are nuts. this is an AWESOME poem.

xox jen xox
 
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