gochagochi
New member
I returned home a completely different person. At first people were shocked but then realized they had to get to know me all over again. I was overly nice, friendly and sweet. Sickeningly so if you asked me, however everyone else seemed thrilled. They asked about my journey and expected to hear only the good, as soon as I was mentioning at least a hint of hardship they frowned and turned away. I am guessing that is why people wear those masks in the first place, no one cares about their true feelings, so what is the point of showing pain for example if there is no one to comfort you.
I made friends finally. Turns out when you give people a chance, they might actually turn out decent; some at least. I used the same approach towards boys…I decided to give one person a chance, and I am still working on that relationship. It was an awkward transition but not matter how deep I step into it I know I will always keep the promise to myself…I will never let anyone own a piece of me, own enough to then tear me apart.
I honestly think though, that this is the most I am capable of. I am not capable of blind, crazy, passionate love. I cannot make someone the centre of my life, that centre is already taken…by me. I do not mean to sound selfish or egoistic, but I do believe that if I do not love myself and respect myself in the first place, no one else ever will.
All those who think love is being able to do anything your lover says, completely neglect yourself and give yourself to him are sick. That is what I would call psychological dependence on a person, a certain addiction, an unhealthy one too. Love should be a part of your life, a life that is still yours and a life that still has other interests, aspirations and goals.
It was not long before I decided to take off again. This time it was even farther than my last move, however I felt confident and complete as a person. The doubts I had, the emptiness I felt were all neatly covered and I had enough life energy to move on. I was eager for change but also very anxious. There is always an adrenaline rush you get when you move, the new possibilities, new people, new opportunities…seemingly endless opportunities. I have a few bad habits though; I always get my hopes up way too high before the move, so when I arrive I get extremely disappointed. It takes time for me to see the world around me with relatively objective eyes.
I have always been a dreamer; always been a big dreamer. If I fly, I fly high up in the skies, the best place to be. I do not know if I trust myself enough to actually give myself a shot though. If I am brave enough. Some would say bravery wouldn’t even be a problem if I wanted my dreams bad enough. I do not know, I just don’t, and I hope the new place with be a platform for me to dive into my dreams.
I made friends finally. Turns out when you give people a chance, they might actually turn out decent; some at least. I used the same approach towards boys…I decided to give one person a chance, and I am still working on that relationship. It was an awkward transition but not matter how deep I step into it I know I will always keep the promise to myself…I will never let anyone own a piece of me, own enough to then tear me apart.
I honestly think though, that this is the most I am capable of. I am not capable of blind, crazy, passionate love. I cannot make someone the centre of my life, that centre is already taken…by me. I do not mean to sound selfish or egoistic, but I do believe that if I do not love myself and respect myself in the first place, no one else ever will.
All those who think love is being able to do anything your lover says, completely neglect yourself and give yourself to him are sick. That is what I would call psychological dependence on a person, a certain addiction, an unhealthy one too. Love should be a part of your life, a life that is still yours and a life that still has other interests, aspirations and goals.
It was not long before I decided to take off again. This time it was even farther than my last move, however I felt confident and complete as a person. The doubts I had, the emptiness I felt were all neatly covered and I had enough life energy to move on. I was eager for change but also very anxious. There is always an adrenaline rush you get when you move, the new possibilities, new people, new opportunities…seemingly endless opportunities. I have a few bad habits though; I always get my hopes up way too high before the move, so when I arrive I get extremely disappointed. It takes time for me to see the world around me with relatively objective eyes.
I have always been a dreamer; always been a big dreamer. If I fly, I fly high up in the skies, the best place to be. I do not know if I trust myself enough to actually give myself a shot though. If I am brave enough. Some would say bravery wouldn’t even be a problem if I wanted my dreams bad enough. I do not know, I just don’t, and I hope the new place with be a platform for me to dive into my dreams.