brusque_bitch
New member
I only read the first two sentences, and they weren't that interesting, so I didn't finish it.
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What do you think of the opening for my story?
- Thread starter brusque_bitch
- Start date
Sapphire R
New member
I looked around the expanses of the cave and tried to wipe the tears from my face. I was a coward. I was hiding from what everyone else knew there was no escape. Sighing, I stood up and grabbed my backpack. After all, it was almost sunset – the safest time of day to move, without chance of being caught by any of the Ete’vor. The only chance I had of reaching safety, of not being trapped here.
I chuckled to myself. Safety? What was that? In a world where aliens had taken over, and humans remained caged in giant spaceships, how could I ever be safe?
Hearing sirens in the distance, I ran towards the cave entrance, leaving behind half my food supply in the confusion. Halfway down the mountain path, I realised my mistake and swore, but knew that I couldn’t go back. Not with searchlights now dancing around the city below. Swallowing, I ran down the path faster, forgetting the obvious – if anyone went to the cave now, they would see from the food left there, that someone had been using it as a hiding place.
I soon realised though, that in my panic, I might just have condemned myself to torture. And unless the searchlights went off completely, I would remain like an animal caught in front of the headlights; unable to move but painfully aware of what was going to happen.
Hearing the sirens grow louder I sprinted down the mountain path as fast as I could, heart thudding. I had to reach the bottom of the mountain, where there would be some cover, some place to hide – up here, I was so easy to see.
Just as I was nearing the bottom of the mountain, the searchlights changed direction, and were directed at the top of the mountain, slowly working their way down towards me. Cursing under my breath, I tried to keep up my impossible speed.
I was just a few minutes from reaching the bottom of the mountain, when I saw a boy standing at the bottom. I squinted to see him clearer, and all I could make out was that he had blonde hair, and his clothes were covered in mud. My heart thudding, I wasn’t sure what to do – what if he was one of them? If either way I travelled the end result would be the same.
I chuckled to myself. Safety? What was that? In a world where aliens had taken over, and humans remained caged in giant spaceships, how could I ever be safe?
Hearing sirens in the distance, I ran towards the cave entrance, leaving behind half my food supply in the confusion. Halfway down the mountain path, I realised my mistake and swore, but knew that I couldn’t go back. Not with searchlights now dancing around the city below. Swallowing, I ran down the path faster, forgetting the obvious – if anyone went to the cave now, they would see from the food left there, that someone had been using it as a hiding place.
I soon realised though, that in my panic, I might just have condemned myself to torture. And unless the searchlights went off completely, I would remain like an animal caught in front of the headlights; unable to move but painfully aware of what was going to happen.
Hearing the sirens grow louder I sprinted down the mountain path as fast as I could, heart thudding. I had to reach the bottom of the mountain, where there would be some cover, some place to hide – up here, I was so easy to see.
Just as I was nearing the bottom of the mountain, the searchlights changed direction, and were directed at the top of the mountain, slowly working their way down towards me. Cursing under my breath, I tried to keep up my impossible speed.
I was just a few minutes from reaching the bottom of the mountain, when I saw a boy standing at the bottom. I squinted to see him clearer, and all I could make out was that he had blonde hair, and his clothes were covered in mud. My heart thudding, I wasn’t sure what to do – what if he was one of them? If either way I travelled the end result would be the same.
brusque_bitch
New member
I only read the first two sentences, and they weren't that interesting, so I didn't finish it.