What do you think of the blurb for my book?

M

Meet. Kiss. Cry. ?

New member
Hi :) So I'm writing a book, but I have already written the blurb. What do you think of it?:

Meet Belle Louise Johston. She used to be known as one of the schools geeks with barely any friends, and no boyfriend in sight. She'd get teased by Ariah Swan and her evil gang; the 'popular girls', and would barely make it through the school day without a harsh remark or insult given to her by the 'popular girls'.
Then, she met Joe. He was gorgeously good looking, funny, and had loads of mates! Belle was determined to date him, and show the 'popular girls' that she could get a boyfriend. Prom night was the perfect chance to do this.
But what do you do when you end up taking the guy of your dreams for granted, getting on the wrong side of the popular girl, and doing things you've never dreamed of doing before in your life? What should you do when a stupid little game takes actions, feelings, and b!tching to a whole new level?...

Is that blurb good or bad? Does the story sound good? Rate out of 10 please! Feedback, improvements and comments welcome!
Thank you!! :)x
Oh and btw, the book will be called Dresses, Dates and Dare Games :) Basically about a prom night that gets out of hand! x
 
I'm still waiting for the vampires.

After all, you've got teenage angst, a "Bell(a)", and a "Swan".

Seriously, though. This is really the same material that every other teenage girl writes.

I'd encourage you to think about ways you can make your novel UNIQUE.

Good luck,
~Dr. B.~
 
the story line sounds great! And I'm loving the title. But for a blurb, I think it is a bit too detailed with too many adjectives and 'and' s. For example, maybe something like;

Meet Belle Louise Johston; known as the school geek, with no friends or boyfriend in sight. Bullied by Ariah Swan and her evil gang; the 'popular girls', she rarley makes it through the school day without a insult hurled her way.

good luck with it.
 
It's far too repetitive - seriously, how many times have you used the phrase 'popular girl/s' here?

You've also used a lot of tautology. For example 'harsh remark or insult' - they're close to being the same thing, so don't use both. Similarly 'gorgeously good-looking'. Say he's gorgeous, or say he's good-looking, but using both is tautologous and a hallmark of bad writing.

Overall, it's clumsily written with a lot of clunky syntax and unnecessary words. Out of ten? I'd give it a four.

But really, don't dither over your blurb yet. You haven't even finished the first draft of your book yet; worrying this early about the blurb is just procrastination - it's what I call 'Let's Play Famous Authors'. Ditch it and concentrate on writing the book. You don't need blurb until you're ready to query publishers, and that won't be until you've completed several drafts of the entire novel. Moreover, the blurb you write for the query letter won't be like the blurb you'd see on the back of the book anyway (that isn't written by the author). A query letter needs to contain other details on a practical level beyond what you've got here.
 
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