It's the beginning of my story, and I'm wondering if it brings you straight into the story, or if it's awfully boring. I would much appreciate constructive criticism and a way to improve.
Thank you.
Jayden Hall was just eight years old when he ran away from home.
The first days of winter had already placed a great white blanket over the courtyard, and the Halls were starting a bedtime story around the hearth. There couldn’t be a worse time to flee from a family most would desire. But of course his parents, Luke and Evangeline Hall, noticed his absence the minute he fled.
“Who would like a story?” Evangeline asked in the familiar indulging tone she used each time a story took place. And each time, three little hands would spout out.
“I want to hear the one with the swords and how Great Uncle Tobias could use them to fight mean people!” Aaron yelled, but at once more voice chimed in with demands for stories.
“Can we hear a new story?” Liam, the youngest, asked in a small timid voice. His brothers went silent at his request, surprised he talked at all.
Aaron, who sat beside Liam, sent a blow into his brother’s stomach. “Who cares what you say?”
Evangeline was immediately on her feet, and gently picked Liam up from the carpet into her arms, and scolded Aaron for hitting his brother. Surprisingly, Liam had not even shed a tear, but looked extremely devastated.
“Yes, Liam, it’s time we have a new story,” Evangeline said. She headed back to her red velvet chair and sat down with Liam on her lap.
Thank you.
Jayden Hall was just eight years old when he ran away from home.
The first days of winter had already placed a great white blanket over the courtyard, and the Halls were starting a bedtime story around the hearth. There couldn’t be a worse time to flee from a family most would desire. But of course his parents, Luke and Evangeline Hall, noticed his absence the minute he fled.
“Who would like a story?” Evangeline asked in the familiar indulging tone she used each time a story took place. And each time, three little hands would spout out.
“I want to hear the one with the swords and how Great Uncle Tobias could use them to fight mean people!” Aaron yelled, but at once more voice chimed in with demands for stories.
“Can we hear a new story?” Liam, the youngest, asked in a small timid voice. His brothers went silent at his request, surprised he talked at all.
Aaron, who sat beside Liam, sent a blow into his brother’s stomach. “Who cares what you say?”
Evangeline was immediately on her feet, and gently picked Liam up from the carpet into her arms, and scolded Aaron for hitting his brother. Surprisingly, Liam had not even shed a tear, but looked extremely devastated.
“Yes, Liam, it’s time we have a new story,” Evangeline said. She headed back to her red velvet chair and sat down with Liam on her lap.