Ok I'm writing a story Immortal and I just want to see if you guys feel that my writing is ok...descriptive but not to descriptive to be boring...speech e.g heres three small paragraphs.
“Don’t worry about her,” whispered James as he turned to see what had caused the whole emergency. “Rachel and I are twins and to her that means sometimes invading my personal space. So yeah she normally chooses to tag along. And Charlotte and Sophie? Well their like a package deal. Some of us have tried to get rid of them a few times before but it never works so we've all grown used to it.” Not fully understanding what he was talking about, I turned once more to look at Rachel, who had now gone back to staring at her cell phone, and saw that she and James did have a lot of similarities. They shared the same hair tone, green eyes and at times, the same facial expressions. Why if she had shorter hair and looked a little less feminine, then I wouldn't be able to tell who was who.
As I finally stepped onto the golden sand of the beach, it instantly felt like I'd just walked into a giant swarm of wasps. Families, couples and teens were having the time of their lives causing the whole beach to be jam packed, leaving very little walking space. After making my way through a small part of the crowd, I soon came across the stretch of water which finally drifted off into the ocean. Every thing from its clear blue sparkling colour to the mild waves carrying all of the surfers and swimmers looked miraculous. This would definitely be a perfect place to come to on the weekends.
“You mean why does he act so childish sometimes?” Nate asked as we both hovered around to wait for his twin.
“Yeah if that's how you want to put it.” I muttered after picking up a small and unused plastic fork from one of the nearby tables and then giving Matt another small glance. Whilst laughing at what I’d just said Joe came back to rejoin us and gave me a rough pat on the back with his free hand.
“Don’t worry about her,” whispered James as he turned to see what had caused the whole emergency. “Rachel and I are twins and to her that means sometimes invading my personal space. So yeah she normally chooses to tag along. And Charlotte and Sophie? Well their like a package deal. Some of us have tried to get rid of them a few times before but it never works so we've all grown used to it.” Not fully understanding what he was talking about, I turned once more to look at Rachel, who had now gone back to staring at her cell phone, and saw that she and James did have a lot of similarities. They shared the same hair tone, green eyes and at times, the same facial expressions. Why if she had shorter hair and looked a little less feminine, then I wouldn't be able to tell who was who.
As I finally stepped onto the golden sand of the beach, it instantly felt like I'd just walked into a giant swarm of wasps. Families, couples and teens were having the time of their lives causing the whole beach to be jam packed, leaving very little walking space. After making my way through a small part of the crowd, I soon came across the stretch of water which finally drifted off into the ocean. Every thing from its clear blue sparkling colour to the mild waves carrying all of the surfers and swimmers looked miraculous. This would definitely be a perfect place to come to on the weekends.
“You mean why does he act so childish sometimes?” Nate asked as we both hovered around to wait for his twin.
“Yeah if that's how you want to put it.” I muttered after picking up a small and unused plastic fork from one of the nearby tables and then giving Matt another small glance. Whilst laughing at what I’d just said Joe came back to rejoin us and gave me a rough pat on the back with his free hand.