This is just a rough drafty thingy.... Just wanted to see what you think... I'm thinking about changing the name of the character... but have it as Bailey for now 
If U wanna know what it's about, just ask and I'll tell U.
Till then, I'd rather not waste my breathe.... er... finger typing?
...Yeaaaah that worksss....
Bailey desperately darted for the woods in an attempt to escape the world. Her skull was pounding from the rush of blood. She broke through the bushes wailing, leaping through brush and at least attempting to avoid branches and raspberry bushes. But what does it matter. The pain from flesh cannot contend the mental hurt of loss. All she was seeking was for a place to cry, to endure the pain in somewhat less of an awful environment as her new home. She fell to the ground under an old willow in an endeavor to numb the pain, screaming into her knees. She didn’t even try to abstain from imagining her smiling. She clenched her fists and struck the ground. Why would God do this to someone? The air was still and the night sky was clear, though it seemed to be pouring rain. There was no telling how far into the woods she sat, but her cries were the only voice echoing around the hills. The sky might grow darker before she was ready to leave, but who cares. As if the world wasn’t cruel enough, taking the life of her own sister, the skies were dark and resentful too. She wobbled onto her knees and lashed out at one of the branches, yanking it off of the tree with a piercing snap. She crushed it into the dirt with her wrists, screaming as loud as she could. NO! You can’t do this to her! Not to me! She fell on her side once again and scraped the dirt with her nails; her salty tears flowing down her cheeks. Layne was only seven! She couldn’t help but belabor on her laughing, that cute little giggle of hers accompanying her angelic blue eyes and blonde hair. She didn’t hear it much while in the hospital, but nothing ever stopped Layne from smiling. She was so innocent, and yet, God took her life away. “WHY!” Bailey screamed. Her head was aching horribly and only worsened when she bawled.
I have more but just wanted to give a little...
Consrtuctive criticism is FINE with me.
If you hate it, leave it to yourself.
If you have help, notes, etc.
Tell me! Thx!!!
@Gemi--
Thanks for your help! I know what you mean when you were talking about the quotations, I originally had them Italicized as thoughts - they didn't transfer to the yahoo text thingy ma-bobber, And I'll eventually chop it up to paragraphs but when I do rough drafts I clump it together so I can see how it fits.. (weird, I know) And I completely agree with you on having me explain Layne earlier... The more I look at this the more confused I see the reader would get... For the first part, I wanted the reader to be like "Wait... Who smiling? What? " For a brief few seconds so I could Introduce the character, but I got lost In writing more crap. It is scrambled up a lot, and I tend to fix it! your advice helps more than you think, Thanks so much!!! 
@ Reminiscent
Thanks!! And yeah, I know.. It stops there, doesn't it? Lol I'll fix it.
And I like your change! I originally took that line from a poem I wrote (which inspired my story
)
And It DOES NOT match the paragraph at all. I'll figure out how to fit it in! Thx soooooo much!!
@LA
Thanks!!!!
my email is [email protected]
^^^ funny, I know right? My m'n'ms! Lol
If U wanna know what it's about, just ask and I'll tell U.
Till then, I'd rather not waste my breathe.... er... finger typing?
...Yeaaaah that worksss....
Bailey desperately darted for the woods in an attempt to escape the world. Her skull was pounding from the rush of blood. She broke through the bushes wailing, leaping through brush and at least attempting to avoid branches and raspberry bushes. But what does it matter. The pain from flesh cannot contend the mental hurt of loss. All she was seeking was for a place to cry, to endure the pain in somewhat less of an awful environment as her new home. She fell to the ground under an old willow in an endeavor to numb the pain, screaming into her knees. She didn’t even try to abstain from imagining her smiling. She clenched her fists and struck the ground. Why would God do this to someone? The air was still and the night sky was clear, though it seemed to be pouring rain. There was no telling how far into the woods she sat, but her cries were the only voice echoing around the hills. The sky might grow darker before she was ready to leave, but who cares. As if the world wasn’t cruel enough, taking the life of her own sister, the skies were dark and resentful too. She wobbled onto her knees and lashed out at one of the branches, yanking it off of the tree with a piercing snap. She crushed it into the dirt with her wrists, screaming as loud as she could. NO! You can’t do this to her! Not to me! She fell on her side once again and scraped the dirt with her nails; her salty tears flowing down her cheeks. Layne was only seven! She couldn’t help but belabor on her laughing, that cute little giggle of hers accompanying her angelic blue eyes and blonde hair. She didn’t hear it much while in the hospital, but nothing ever stopped Layne from smiling. She was so innocent, and yet, God took her life away. “WHY!” Bailey screamed. Her head was aching horribly and only worsened when she bawled.
I have more but just wanted to give a little...
Consrtuctive criticism is FINE with me.
If you hate it, leave it to yourself.
If you have help, notes, etc.
Tell me! Thx!!!
@Gemi--
Thanks for your help! I know what you mean when you were talking about the quotations, I originally had them Italicized as thoughts - they didn't transfer to the yahoo text thingy ma-bobber, And I'll eventually chop it up to paragraphs but when I do rough drafts I clump it together so I can see how it fits.. (weird, I know
) And I completely agree with you on having me explain Layne earlier... The more I look at this the more confused I see the reader would get... For the first part, I wanted the reader to be like "Wait... Who smiling? What? " For a brief few seconds so I could Introduce the character, but I got lost In writing more crap. It is scrambled up a lot, and I tend to fix it! your advice helps more than you think, Thanks so much!!! @ Reminiscent
Thanks!! And yeah, I know.. It stops there, doesn't it? Lol I'll fix it.
And I like your change! I originally took that line from a poem I wrote (which inspired my story
)And It DOES NOT match the paragraph at all. I'll figure out how to fit it in!
Thx soooooo much!!@LA
Thanks!!!!
my email is [email protected]
^^^ funny, I know right? My m'n'ms! Lol