C
cotourby
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I know it's a bit long, but I really would like some opinions! Please give me some constructive criticism if you can! I want to submit this to a writing comtest so I want to make it as good as I can! Thanks! It's called "The Escape"
“You failed science again?” Liz’s mother’s eyes were burning with sharp disapproval as she looked up from the report card. “You’ll never get into a decent college with grades like these. You won’t amount to anything at this rate!” Liz struggled to fight back her tears as she was forced yet again to listen to her mother’s harsh criticism.
“I told you, Mom, people like me don’t go to college.” Liz was growing furious with her mother’s constant lack of compassion.
“Why? Because you’re an ‘artist’?” Her mother let out an exasperated sigh. “You can’t just rely on your drawings to get you anywhere. You need something to fall back on!”
“What, Mom? What am I supposed to fall back on when I’m not good at anything?” Liz felt a lump in her throat as a wave of emotions flooded her. Her frustration merged with sorrow and a longing to be free. She was left feeling totally alone.
“You’re not good because you don’t try! Do you think your sister got into Cornell sitting in her room all day doodling? No! She worked her butt off until she got in!”
“Mom, stop comparing me to Norah, you know I’m not like her!” Liz’s lips were trembling. She found it difficult to maintain her composure. “And don’t call them doodles. Those drawings are my life!”
Their argument was cut short by the sound of the front door opening. The tension in the room was diminished as Liz’s father walked in. “Hey, sweetheart, how was your day?” Joe gave Liz an affectionate but detached pat on her shoulder as he passed her, a signal of the palpable distance that had grown between Liz and her father. . He sat down at the kitchen table where Liz’s mother joined him.
Unable to stand her parents’ scrutiny, Liz meandered into the foyer of their old yet charming home and seized her tattered tweed coat hanging by the front door. “You better not be going to see A.J.!” Her mother’s shrill voice pierced Liz’s ears like a dagger. “You know that boy’s too old for you!”
“Since when do you care where I go?” Liz shouted these words over her shoulder as she slammed the door behind her, emerging into the crisp night air.
Liz loved her nighttime walks, especially now, in the autumn. She wished they could last forever; that she could find an eternal escape from the prison her parents had created for her. She longed desperately to break free and follow her dreams. For as long as she could remember, she had been obsessed with art. Her only desire was to be an artist, and she wanted nothing more than to spend her years as a humble painter.
But her mother, a stubborn career woman, would never have dreamt of letting her daughter live such a “careless” lifestyle, while her father just seemed oblivious. Their first daughter, Liz’s sister Norah, was the star of the family. She was a perfect student in school, and was now was studying pre-med at Cornell. She was on her way to becoming everything her parents wanted her to be. Liz, on the other hand, was the odd one, the dreamer who always dwelt in her sister’s shadow.
She could had always struggled in school, despite her efforts. She failed most of her classes, except, of course, art. For this she received continuous berating. You’re so lazy, you’ll never go anywhere! Why do you spend so much time on your stupid drawings? You should be studying! Your sister’s on her way to a huge success, and you’re on the road to nowhere! These words, the only words she had ever heard from her mother and father, rang repeatedly in her head.
With this she thought about the only person who had ever truly cared: her boyfriend Adrian. A.J. was slightly older than she, by a mere two years. But to her parents this was unacceptable. They had forbidden her from seeing him, but secretly they continued their relationship. It had been two years since they first met, and in that time she had come to realize that he was the only person she could count on. With this thought, she realized how much she missed him. She pulled her cell phone out of her pocket and dialed his number. He answered after the third ring.
“Hey, babe, what’s up?” His voice was at once stimulating and reassuring to her.
“Not much… I had another fight with Joe and Miriam. God, they are horrible!”
“Do you want me to come see you? It sounds like you need someone.”
“Yeah, that would be nice. Can you meet me on the cliff by the ocean? You know, the usual spot?”
“Sure. I’ll be there in like 15 minutes. Love you!”
“You too…”
She hung up the phone and returned it to her pocket, and turned off the road onto the small dirt path that led to the sea.
As soon as A.J. was off the phone, he reached over to his desk. He picked up a small box, a box he’d had for six months now. Inside was a simple diamond engagement ring. After waiti
“You failed science again?” Liz’s mother’s eyes were burning with sharp disapproval as she looked up from the report card. “You’ll never get into a decent college with grades like these. You won’t amount to anything at this rate!” Liz struggled to fight back her tears as she was forced yet again to listen to her mother’s harsh criticism.
“I told you, Mom, people like me don’t go to college.” Liz was growing furious with her mother’s constant lack of compassion.
“Why? Because you’re an ‘artist’?” Her mother let out an exasperated sigh. “You can’t just rely on your drawings to get you anywhere. You need something to fall back on!”
“What, Mom? What am I supposed to fall back on when I’m not good at anything?” Liz felt a lump in her throat as a wave of emotions flooded her. Her frustration merged with sorrow and a longing to be free. She was left feeling totally alone.
“You’re not good because you don’t try! Do you think your sister got into Cornell sitting in her room all day doodling? No! She worked her butt off until she got in!”
“Mom, stop comparing me to Norah, you know I’m not like her!” Liz’s lips were trembling. She found it difficult to maintain her composure. “And don’t call them doodles. Those drawings are my life!”
Their argument was cut short by the sound of the front door opening. The tension in the room was diminished as Liz’s father walked in. “Hey, sweetheart, how was your day?” Joe gave Liz an affectionate but detached pat on her shoulder as he passed her, a signal of the palpable distance that had grown between Liz and her father. . He sat down at the kitchen table where Liz’s mother joined him.
Unable to stand her parents’ scrutiny, Liz meandered into the foyer of their old yet charming home and seized her tattered tweed coat hanging by the front door. “You better not be going to see A.J.!” Her mother’s shrill voice pierced Liz’s ears like a dagger. “You know that boy’s too old for you!”
“Since when do you care where I go?” Liz shouted these words over her shoulder as she slammed the door behind her, emerging into the crisp night air.
Liz loved her nighttime walks, especially now, in the autumn. She wished they could last forever; that she could find an eternal escape from the prison her parents had created for her. She longed desperately to break free and follow her dreams. For as long as she could remember, she had been obsessed with art. Her only desire was to be an artist, and she wanted nothing more than to spend her years as a humble painter.
But her mother, a stubborn career woman, would never have dreamt of letting her daughter live such a “careless” lifestyle, while her father just seemed oblivious. Their first daughter, Liz’s sister Norah, was the star of the family. She was a perfect student in school, and was now was studying pre-med at Cornell. She was on her way to becoming everything her parents wanted her to be. Liz, on the other hand, was the odd one, the dreamer who always dwelt in her sister’s shadow.
She could had always struggled in school, despite her efforts. She failed most of her classes, except, of course, art. For this she received continuous berating. You’re so lazy, you’ll never go anywhere! Why do you spend so much time on your stupid drawings? You should be studying! Your sister’s on her way to a huge success, and you’re on the road to nowhere! These words, the only words she had ever heard from her mother and father, rang repeatedly in her head.
With this she thought about the only person who had ever truly cared: her boyfriend Adrian. A.J. was slightly older than she, by a mere two years. But to her parents this was unacceptable. They had forbidden her from seeing him, but secretly they continued their relationship. It had been two years since they first met, and in that time she had come to realize that he was the only person she could count on. With this thought, she realized how much she missed him. She pulled her cell phone out of her pocket and dialed his number. He answered after the third ring.
“Hey, babe, what’s up?” His voice was at once stimulating and reassuring to her.
“Not much… I had another fight with Joe and Miriam. God, they are horrible!”
“Do you want me to come see you? It sounds like you need someone.”
“Yeah, that would be nice. Can you meet me on the cliff by the ocean? You know, the usual spot?”
“Sure. I’ll be there in like 15 minutes. Love you!”
“You too…”
She hung up the phone and returned it to her pocket, and turned off the road onto the small dirt path that led to the sea.
As soon as A.J. was off the phone, he reached over to his desk. He picked up a small box, a box he’d had for six months now. Inside was a simple diamond engagement ring. After waiti