what do you think of my poetry?

  • Thread starter Thread starter kember k
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kember k

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i loved him,
he left me,
i know,
i should hate him,
but all i feel is sadness,
and love,
i loved him,
he left me,
for someone else,
i know,
i should,
but I can’t.
for how can one,
hate the only one,
they’ve ever loved,
ever will love,
and would die for?
you might be able to,
but not i.
never will I be able to,
hate,
the man,
who made my life,
worth living.

Swiftly he runs across the land.
Swiftly he swims out of the sea.
Swiftly he flies into the sky.
But he doesn''t love me anymore...
though I shall always love him forever more.
He is the most wicked thing alive
He pretends to love you
Then he just dumps you on the curb
Making you dislike, every thing you''ve ever had
That brought you joy
His eye''s are gray and dull
You will never see them on this earth
But he still exists even outside of my heart
And if you ever need to know his name
To find out who he is, what he is, and how to avoid him,
It''s Kyle the black dragon of distruction
Kyle the dream destroyer
Kyle the black plague
It''s Kyle Jones

the first one i call 'how'
the second is called 'dream destroyer' and is published but i want honest opinions. be brutal
 
i really love the second one the first i think could use a little work but is still very good this is coming from someone who really likes writing poetry but is totally no good lol so they are both very good
 
"the first one i call 'how'
the second is called 'dream destroyer' and is published but i want honest opinions. be brutal"

In my honest opinion, no TP would have published your second piece in the form of which it is written. I know my TP would have laughed at me and thought I was playing a joke on them...

As in both your first and second piece, you use repetitive words and carry on lines.
In your second, your first three lines begin with "Swiftly" and then goes to where no one can follow. You lost the flow.
As to your first piece - I am lost from the very beginning.

Work on tightening the pieces. Work on creating a continuous flow.
Work on using Caps, Punctuations, Spelling, and Grammar.

Hey, you wanted "honest opinions". "be brutal"

I am being polite.
They need a lot more work,
Sam
 
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