What do you think of my poem?

E

EtherealEchidna

New member
Mine is Your Lament [title]

Your cold wet feet are stuck in the mud
The rain's drizzling salty tears, need a blanket?

I'm cold too you know,
I feel sorry for what I did, Isn't that enough?

I told you what I THOUGHT you should do...
My unintended suffering douses you
I want to seclude MYSELF to save YOU

Yet you say we are inextricably bound, our friendship inseparable
That Mine is Your Lament

I would have you in a palace of angels,
Ethereal realms of wanton ecstasies
Tranquil waves; Warm flowing showers
Peace of soul, satiety and solace waiting to set you free
Your Grace my Satiety

I can die, reside as Satan's twisted neck brace
But would you fall?
From celestial stars to lava and ice?

My punishment? Your peace change to darkness?
Mine is Your Lament..

MY turn to suck the venom I injected in your temples!
Your Grace my Satiety

I can see your breast heaving through a thousand piercings
That lovely face cast downward, my heart sinking beneath
Inward, down through the arctic blasts we fly!

Yours is My Lament
Mine is Your Lament
Our Grace our Satiety

(still rough I know) but thanks for reading! Any (constructive) criticism would be nice
That's "inflatable bunny"
Nevaeh and Andy, thank you very much

Inflatable andy, piss off

I don't like to condemn people but I read your critique of other's poems, and you kept copying and pasting the same thing

And your credibility? "we stuck Like Ketchup to macroni"

Sorry, for the rebutt-- but please at least be helpful
 
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