What do you think of my poem?

M

Momo

New member
My head lies on my desk as the vibrations from my phone massage me
My eyes closed, I hardly want to move but I know that message is from you.
“Goodbye”
And so, I deem we are unhappy yet again.

I lay my head back down, this time eyes open, and stare at my book
How smooth and crisp the black ink seems to appear on the page
Goodbye
And so the book is closed, and the cover tear stained.

I wait and wait for that “I’m sorry” but it never comes
I wait for hours and still, nothing
Goodbye
And so, I take those round pills and it’s done.

Goodbye
 
ooh i think it's good :) well done.
but it could have a bit more rhythm and maybe even 2 lines to describe the suicide so it is more sad.
good though :) write more !
x
 
ooh i think it's good :) well done.
but it could have a bit more rhythm and maybe even 2 lines to describe the suicide so it is more sad.
good though :) write more !
x
 
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