what do you think of my poem?

  • Thread starter Thread starter Kasha
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Kasha

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im not sure if im quite done with this yet. your constructive criticism is greatly appreciated but rudeness is not.


<The Sky's acappella>
Musical. The only word to describe the tremendous baritone of the sky's voice. The belted out notes shaking the ground. The birds seek refuge in the bounty of th Earth, they know what's coming. The sky's acappella, so beautiful, makes the angels cry. They celebrate with explosions of gold that provokes the sky to sing even louder. The angels seep giant tears of amazement down onto the observing world, creating a wondrous sight for the mortal audience. The charcoal sky turns amber for an instant, only the lucky are able to catch. Impossible to capture the marvel in any sort of solid evidence except for the memory. No song can compare to the magnificent ballad of the sky.
i'm not quite done with it. i definately want to put more imagery in it. im 17 btw.
any suggestions??
 
I write poetry myself and people say I should do that with my life but it`s not what i want to do but it sounds good, don`t use as many big words that doesn`t make the poem any better.. write from your heart.. and if you want any more advice just im me on aim. also you don`t have to add any more imagery it`s good just make it more you okay?

randomskaterargg

ily
 
nothing left to lose after losin you
nothin i can change
when i run to you & come for you
dont tell me im too late."

_SiCK OF CRYiNG
___YET iM SMiLiNG
_____iNSiDE iM DYiNG

Dream as if you’ll live forever.
Live as if you’ll die tomorrow

the only restrictions
we have in this life,
are the ones we
impose on ourselves

The world forgetting,
by the world forgot.

Soaring through life, from place to place
Death from above, with beauty and grace

as i stroll down the path i cant help but see a whole horde of zombies staring at me
i try to hide and i try to run, but somehow they found me, and i dont own a gun
i go to my house and locks all the doors, but hands burst out from under the floor
i go to my neighbors to try to hide, the place is infested, its complete suiiciidee
i get tired of running, and soon sets the sun, i was then bitten, now we are one.

a temporary wakening
to a permanent sleep,
fresh drops of innocence
glisten tender blossoms of spring.
but an infectious breeze
will ravish the petals,
a tear not yet found,
an innocence to stray,
then a season commits treason
and takes the rain away.

oh, I so await the autumn!

please dim the scathing light
with refreshing drops of banter,
then may the cold prepare for death
in the passion of the winter.
 
Love this...very visual reading. My only addition would be "a glimpse" after "able to catch." Regardless I like it.
 
I think its really good but its kind of hard to imagine if you know what i mean but otherwise its nice!
 
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