what do you think of my poem"mental"? rate 1-10 please?

  • Thread starter Thread starter ashish.loves
  • Start date Start date
mental - by olivia
whom be you
whom be I
all clues have escaped my mind
be I a mental case
be I sane
a child or a adult without a name
do i behold jubilant breast or a mans chest
to all these questions I hold my breath
kick my ass kick cabbage stew
kick the life which I care not if I ever knew
 
wow, did not expect that!
I think its an interesting form...I personally don't like the whole shakespearean-type writing but whatever, thats personal taste, i think you have a good foundation
maybe cut the last two lines into two?

like this..
kick the life which I care not about
if I ever knew

an interesting write!
keep penning :D
 
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