What do you think of my poem? I need some help with the ending?

D

Desiree

New member
wow, i really love it. i like the way you describe every moment so well, makes me feel there. this is awesome.

some help with the ending hmm.well i wouldn't use contractions ( can't to cannot stuff) in this particular piece (:
um
Feelings like this happen not very often..
And as i stand here before you, looking upon your face
It hurts to know that it is you, whom i cannot live without.
So do we dare to hold that moment again and forever?
For that it is when our love was at its peak
and that is when it will prevail
again with the mask
lay it upon your face
so that when our fates intertwine once more,
atlas we can be together, for more than one minute.*
 
Masquerade
By- McKenna Sandoval

A whole new personality
A brand new way to see
Open up your eyes and just try to find me
I might be over here I might be over there

....there is no way of knowing

You will get to meet my inner soul
Now it’s not about beauty or looks,
If seeing is believing and
All faces are hidden from the world

....then what’s a lie to hurt?

When the clock strikes 12
We can reveal each other
But until then let’s embrace the moment

.... Silent romance

Floating on marble cloud,
Mysterious figures all around
No identification whatsoever

.... Its 11:59

It is almost that time I cannot wait
Who is this masked person?

.... Revealed
The mask comes off and now I realize
For a lie hurts when it is hidden,

.... Our conversation

Masked figure...." I know you, I’ve seen you once before"

Me..."As I you"

Masked figure...." love was stronger, when I didn’t know"

Me..."Love was inexistent"

Masked figure..."my growing feelings for you are being watered"

Me..."You can’t expect anything to grow if their dead"

Masked figure..."why can you love me?"

Me..."Feelings like this happen once in a lifetime,
And as I stand looking upon your face,
It hurts to know that it is you I cannot live without,
So do we dare go back to the moment when the clock stroked 11:59?
And do we dare to hold that moment forever,
For that’s when our love was the strongest,
And that’s when it will prevail,
Again with the mask now,
Lay it upon your face
Maybe when our fates intertwine again,
And then we can atlas be together, for more then a minute.”
 
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