What do you think of my poem? be honest?

L

Lori cutie

New member
Its an onomatopoeia poem!!

Listen listen
shh shh
do you hear that noise?
the bang
boom
click
crash
crack
it's the sound of war!
people want that noise to stop
with hands over ears
their face
covered with tears
they hear the final boom
screams of joy
YAY! HOORAY! VICTORY!
ITS THE WAR ITS OVER!!
if only it could stay that way.
 
I think the scream parts could have been done a bit better, but other than that it was lovely. I got the feeling of it right away, like when I was reading it I imagined a soft voice and everything and it just went really well in my opinion. Other than the screams, I don't see anything wrong really. Good job with it =]
 
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