What do you think of my new poem?

M

Madison

New member
I just wrote it and this is only the first draft but what do you think?

Melting away,
Fading into the black,
Stuck in this spot
With a cracked looking glass.

Sincere despair,
Cold shouldered shrugs,
Stiff fingers point
With matching ice hearts.

One last hope…
Attempted escape.
Shaking limbs crawl away
with a now concave body.
 
it's really good! i'd love to read a longer version, maybe just elaborate on the feeling you had here, as it's really strong and thought provoking. if not, even this much is excellent. good work :)
 
it's really good! i'd love to read a longer version, maybe just elaborate on the feeling you had here, as it's really strong and thought provoking. if not, even this much is excellent. good work :)
 
it's really good! i'd love to read a longer version, maybe just elaborate on the feeling you had here, as it's really strong and thought provoking. if not, even this much is excellent. good work :)
 
it's really good! i'd love to read a longer version, maybe just elaborate on the feeling you had here, as it's really strong and thought provoking. if not, even this much is excellent. good work :)
 
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