What do you think of my "love scenes" in my story?

  • Thread starter Thread starter Amy W
  • Start date Start date
A

Amy W

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Sorry, but I don't feel like typing them out again, so, please go to these links. Thanks.

http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;_ylt=Akxe5lBKZqeKMXCbzoIP0R7sy6IX;_ylv=3?qid=20080618163234AAoMosV

http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20080618165221AAxf1YH&r=w

Can you tell me what you think? Thanks.
By the way, the people in my story are:

Girl-Sarah:15 years old
Boy-Peter:17 years old
Thanks, but it's not their first kiss. :)
 
It's o.k. If you're only 13, you really should write what you know . . . "shivering in pleasure" sounds a bit like an old-fashioned bodice-busting romance, y'know? And on a first kiss (?), I'm not sure anyone would exactly 'relax' into the kiss -- that seems to be a more practiced thing.
 
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