What do you think about this poem? im an amatuer poet...?

B

Burnin.Bridges.Baby

New member
Im an amateur as well but i have to agree i like
"Im not at all claustrophobic, this place is huge, i shouldn't feel sick."
"I don't care, about why they stare."
However it is a little depressing for me I have had too much death in my life. But good you should keep writing and also try different types of poems.
 
Okay im 13 years old, so a real amatuer...

-DRAW THE LINE-

Im not at all claustrophobic.
This place is huge, I shouldn't feel sick.
I'm tired of all the lies,
Youre watching as my soul dies.
All I hear is you two flirt,
And you treat me like dirt.
She's yours, I'm mine.
I think its time to draw the line...
Im on my side, you on yours.
You start to cross the floors.
I always feel sad,
But now I'm mad...
I don't really care
About why they stare.
I know I'm not pretty,
Yep, it's such a pity.
Now you crossed the line.
The pleasure is all mine.
Now I'll quit my life.
Maybe I'll use a knife?
Now I'm soaked in red,
And all my love is dead.
Thanks guys I thought it sucked axe!!!
Im sorta emo,...so,... it fits me, rite? Anyways, Ames I was guna add u as a frend but I can't, so can u ?? Lol yea tho it is sorta depressing
 
Omg i ABSOLUTLY LOVE IT!!!!! i write poetry to and that beats all of mine !!! It sorta reminds me of all the guy trouble i have ad all my life well any way on a scale of one to ten i give u a INFINITY!!!!! LOL KEEP UP THE AWESOME POEMS!!! (U DONT SOUND AMITURE U SOUND LIKE A PRO)
 
Omg i ABSOLUTLY LOVE IT!!!!! i write poetry to and that beats all of mine !!! It sorta reminds me of all the guy trouble i have ad all my life well any way on a scale of one to ten i give u a INFINITY!!!!! LOL KEEP UP THE AWESOME POEMS!!! (U DONT SOUND AMITURE U SOUND LIKE A PRO)
 
i like this one a lot more than the vampire one ... :)
its has alot of feeling and description and the flow isnt bad
i loveee the first few lines (Im not at all claustrophobic.
This place is huge, I shouldn't feel sick.)

although the end is v depressing! please dont think about such things!!!

yes you can add me as a friend but idk how...ahhh...

please critique my new one too if you want :)
 
i like this one a lot more than the vampire one ... :)
its has alot of feeling and description and the flow isnt bad
i loveee the first few lines (Im not at all claustrophobic.
This place is huge, I shouldn't feel sick.)

although the end is v depressing! please dont think about such things!!!

yes you can add me as a friend but idk how...ahhh...

please critique my new one too if you want :)
 
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