M
MiakaxChan
Guest
Dear Mom,What can I say? I really get frustrated when you judge me and/or my friends when you don't even know them personally. You may not think that, but it drives me crazy and it really pains me inside. To me it's like saying that I'm stupid for making friends with them, I make bad choices, or that I'm just better off without them. I don't really know what words to use to describe my feelings that are all jumbled up inside of me every time we talk together. I just wish you'd know that friends make up a part of my life I don't think I ever really had. Which is sort of a family-like feeling. Right now currently, I really do think my friends are more important than family, to be honest. Hey, at least I think they cared a bit when I had suicidal thoughts during middle school. I don't even think you ever knew. Typing a letter is way better than talking because every time I talk I won't be shot down directly. Sure, you may think of me as stupid, then guess what? You have a stupid daughter.Yes, I did think about killing myself, and in this letter I will try to state the entire truth. I was in depression a lot during middle school. I had low confidence and I would beat myself up about it. I never told anyone and let it eat myself up inside. I don't really know why, but it sucked not having any support from family and I guess that's part of the reason. The only support I had that time were my friends. They kept me smiling and laughing with my head up. We would do a lot of random and fun things together that would make me smile even now. I always thought about what would happen after and it wasn't worth it. I don't want to leave people suffering because of my stupid mistake. Maybe you wouldn't have cared. Who knows? But I just don't know sometimes...You probably never knew because I never told you, but you never asked either. I didn't want to tell you because I didn't want to burden you with my troubles and problems. I knew that you had a lot going on during these past times so I just kept silent.My friends will not change the way I am. Heck, I even got some of my personality from them because they are the people who influence me the most everyday, most of the influences are positive by the way. I know myself and I would never let anyone take advantage of me. You may still think I'm a kid but I am growing up. I am already in high school; the road to the adult world is already set for me. Just to be clear and also to let you know, I won't do drugs. I'm not like that and I never will be. I won't get pregnant and I won't have sex either. Who wants a child to raise another child? I'm still learning myself. And truth be told, I also have some friends and know people that do use drugs. I don't care what they do, if they want to ruin themselves then fine. I've tried changing some of their paths by asking them not to, but they can choose to listen to me or not. I even know this one girl who was once pregnant. I won't do anything like that.I know you only say these things because you care about me but I want to have some freedom too and I don't mean like roaming around at midnight or something-just to hang out with my friends. I want my high school experience to be the most funnest time of my life and it only comes once. I don't just want to sit home all day-everyday and rot away. Once college comes all my friends are probably going to be gone and before they are I want to leave them with lots of good memories that can strengthen our bonds. I know what I'm doing and I'm no longer a little kid; I can tell what is wrong and what is right. You brought me up in the way that I know what's bad and what's good. And I won't abuse your care and I hope to not make you worried. Everyone makes mistakes and we learn from them. It's the experience of it that makes it count. If I get hurt by anyone, I would ditch them and just say bye. I would pick myself up and start over with all the support of my other friends that actually care.The things I have typed are mostly negative and some positive. But this is my point of view. You may think you know everything about high school but times have also changed, Mom. Your high school experience you knew 30 years ago is different than what it is now. There are actually some good people out in the jungle of evilness. I choose my friends carefully and if they are a bad influence I tend to avoid them. I just want you to know I do know what I'm doing.Lastly, I would like to say sorry. Sorry for all the times I've made you yell, pissed off, worried, mad, etc. All those times was because I was still a child growing up, a stubborn little girl. I now realize how much you only cared about me. And I will try to be more mature about it. I do act grumpy sometimes but there is always a reason why, but I just wished you would ask why before you backfire on me and make me more angry. Mom, I'm sorry.I hope this letter will help you understand a bit more of how I am feeling... Just know ev... Just know every time I get PMS on you I still know you are my mom and I love you.Your daughter, xxxxx