Ellie Smith
New member
This is the begining of a novel im hoping to write - how is it; structure, wording, please comment :/
THE ELVES
In the silence of the night, three elves spoke news in a darkened street of a small town. Not a squeak of a mouse disturbed the hallowed town, until they spoke, not once but twice each, sending noise to every nook and cranny of the street.
“The Baby has been born! He is the first in 1000 years!” exclaimed the first elf “Shhh, Firework! Let not the prowlers know!” Whispered the elf crouched behind an old metal dustbin.
“Its name? I hope not forsaken…” asked spark, the third elf, as the street lamps started to flicker.
“For the Godmother to chose, like all, as the tradition goes…” growled the second elf once more
“Hush! Prowlers are coming and we do not seek – let us be gone. Our quest will await!” Firework whispered before vanishing into thin air with only a wisp of smoke left as a trace…
CHAPTER 1 – Sweeper girl
Sweep. Sweep. Sweep. That’s how the day goes. Sweep. Sweep. Sweep... Into the same old corner... Sweep. Sweep.
When Mother and farther where alive I had my own servants to do this for me. I would wear gowns of the most expensive silk that were embodied with whatever I wanted! I would have a proper bed to sleep at night, without those dirty rats nibbling away right beside me…
But no – I live in the house I used to but as a servant, a slave. Father used to work hard, ever so hard, and bring in so much money the house could fall down with the weight of it! But he fell ill, could no longer work and soon he died. Mother was so depressed she committed suicide – do not make me remember that day.
I had no work, what could I do? Farther left all his money to my two older brothers, how I hated them. If I ever saw them again I would bring a knife to their throat…they left me: Alone, Cold and dying in a gutter of our town. Every body looked at me in disgust; a peasant is what they thought. A peasant.
Then my mistress found me.
“Who are you? Making the streets of Copper Town look…look…” A cold shiver went down her spine,” Get up, now. Now I said! I will take you too my manor.”
I followed her down the streets to my old house - My old house. The streets that I had once thought held happiness and beauty looked as ragged as my self . The house looked as beautiful as ever with its stone walls unblemished and the forbidden forest surrounding it, whispering and whistling in the cold winter day. I stood for a second, basking in its un said glory and gazing at it like a longlost child come home.
“Stop gawping child!” my mistress barked
“I used to live here!” I mumbled quietly
“No you did not. Do not lie to me! The Hardy’s who lived before us were a very sufficient family, not…a misfit like yourself. Don’t disgrace the name now that they are gone!” My mistress snapped.
The front door had been stripped down from its original oak finish and changed to an unappealing blue that wrecked the image my mother had spent years perfecting. It creaked open and I was lead into the once pristine hallway, only to find it dank and dusty. There were no candles lit and no pictures of family or friends of my mistress or her husband; my mother had always said ‘Pictures are memories and although they cause sadness, joy is withheld too.’.
She led me into the boardroom which hadn’t changed a bit since I left. The old green wallpaper was still peeling and the circular table still only having three legs not four. I smiled warmlyto myself.
The manor House was warm and I was not – it was like a savoir being sent to save me and place me somewhere dry and homely!
My mistress went and sat behind a desk and looked at me expectantly so I looked back, equally expectant.
“Well?” She said
“Well?” I replied – I may have become poor and looked down upon but my grace and power was not forgotten.
“Don’t use that tone with me. I just saved your life, if the police had found you; you would have been locked up for sure!”
I didn’t reply. If they had found me, what would it matter? Even in a police cell it’s warm, and dry. If I got hanged then god would take pity on me and bring me to heaven! My brothers and father would rot in hell, or so I hoped.
THE ELVES
In the silence of the night, three elves spoke news in a darkened street of a small town. Not a squeak of a mouse disturbed the hallowed town, until they spoke, not once but twice each, sending noise to every nook and cranny of the street.
“The Baby has been born! He is the first in 1000 years!” exclaimed the first elf “Shhh, Firework! Let not the prowlers know!” Whispered the elf crouched behind an old metal dustbin.
“Its name? I hope not forsaken…” asked spark, the third elf, as the street lamps started to flicker.
“For the Godmother to chose, like all, as the tradition goes…” growled the second elf once more
“Hush! Prowlers are coming and we do not seek – let us be gone. Our quest will await!” Firework whispered before vanishing into thin air with only a wisp of smoke left as a trace…
CHAPTER 1 – Sweeper girl
Sweep. Sweep. Sweep. That’s how the day goes. Sweep. Sweep. Sweep... Into the same old corner... Sweep. Sweep.
When Mother and farther where alive I had my own servants to do this for me. I would wear gowns of the most expensive silk that were embodied with whatever I wanted! I would have a proper bed to sleep at night, without those dirty rats nibbling away right beside me…
But no – I live in the house I used to but as a servant, a slave. Father used to work hard, ever so hard, and bring in so much money the house could fall down with the weight of it! But he fell ill, could no longer work and soon he died. Mother was so depressed she committed suicide – do not make me remember that day.
I had no work, what could I do? Farther left all his money to my two older brothers, how I hated them. If I ever saw them again I would bring a knife to their throat…they left me: Alone, Cold and dying in a gutter of our town. Every body looked at me in disgust; a peasant is what they thought. A peasant.
Then my mistress found me.
“Who are you? Making the streets of Copper Town look…look…” A cold shiver went down her spine,” Get up, now. Now I said! I will take you too my manor.”
I followed her down the streets to my old house - My old house. The streets that I had once thought held happiness and beauty looked as ragged as my self . The house looked as beautiful as ever with its stone walls unblemished and the forbidden forest surrounding it, whispering and whistling in the cold winter day. I stood for a second, basking in its un said glory and gazing at it like a longlost child come home.
“Stop gawping child!” my mistress barked
“I used to live here!” I mumbled quietly
“No you did not. Do not lie to me! The Hardy’s who lived before us were a very sufficient family, not…a misfit like yourself. Don’t disgrace the name now that they are gone!” My mistress snapped.
The front door had been stripped down from its original oak finish and changed to an unappealing blue that wrecked the image my mother had spent years perfecting. It creaked open and I was lead into the once pristine hallway, only to find it dank and dusty. There were no candles lit and no pictures of family or friends of my mistress or her husband; my mother had always said ‘Pictures are memories and although they cause sadness, joy is withheld too.’.
She led me into the boardroom which hadn’t changed a bit since I left. The old green wallpaper was still peeling and the circular table still only having three legs not four. I smiled warmlyto myself.
The manor House was warm and I was not – it was like a savoir being sent to save me and place me somewhere dry and homely!
My mistress went and sat behind a desk and looked at me expectantly so I looked back, equally expectant.
“Well?” She said
“Well?” I replied – I may have become poor and looked down upon but my grace and power was not forgotten.
“Don’t use that tone with me. I just saved your life, if the police had found you; you would have been locked up for sure!”
I didn’t reply. If they had found me, what would it matter? Even in a police cell it’s warm, and dry. If I got hanged then god would take pity on me and bring me to heaven! My brothers and father would rot in hell, or so I hoped.