What do you think about my short story I wrote (please comment)?

JoeyE

New member
"Clonk, Clonk, Clonk."

"Someone's knocking? At this hour? It's 2:51 AM, the audacity of whom it is! I'll just ignore it--there's no way I'm getting up to answer the door."

"Clonk! Clonk! Clonk!" the door battered.

"Ugh! Why won't they go away? All right, this guy is dead! There's no way I'm going back to sleep now. I'm pissed!"

Robert lashes his quilts out of the way, and hastily exists his bedroom stomping his way past the kitchen as he picked up a kitchen knife incited by rage.

"Clonk! Clonk! Clonk!" the pounding still beating the door.

"Who is it? ...Hello?...Who is it!" Robert exclaimed.

"Clonk...Clonk...Clonk," the loud pounding abated to low thumps.

Robert peeked through the door hole, but couldn't see anything in the darkness outside.

"Hello?" Robert listened with his ear pasted to the door.

"CLONK! CLONK! CLONK!" the door pounded with violent thrusts on the other side.

"Tell me who the hell you are," Robert demanded as he stepped away. "I swear I will kill you!" Robert cried out. And, abrupt silence. The clonking stopped. He paused for a moment, anticipating another barrage of clonks. His heart pumping, and his legs shaking. Cold sweat smothered his body.

Robert slowly walked towards the living room window, wanting to get a good view of who's out there. As he slightly opened the curtain, his view was obstructed. A face did. Its scalp with sparse black hair, and no hair in some places. Its face wrinkled of sorrow, and its frowning eyes solid white with malevolence.

"Clonk!" it hit the window.

Robert fell back, and instinctively got up and ran to his room locking the door behind him. Driven by fear and confusion, he just laid back in his bed with his eyes closed, his heart threatening to explode from violent pumping, and his body shaking. Whatever it was, it was evil with a malicious aura, Robert just wanted the sun to rise. It might go away once the sun has risen. Robert manages to gather himself up to open his eyes. Bad idea. It was painful. A feeling of a million knives stabbing into his body; his eyes about to pop out of their sockets; and the taste of sinister smothering his tongue. He couldn't move--his body wouldn't budge. His throat locked and the words stuck. It was there. Right in front of his eyes. Staring down on him from the ceiling with it's evil natured solid white eyes locked into his which were depicted with absolute horror. Robert scrolled his eyeballs to glance at the clock (2:59) and then back to the ceiling. Whatever it was, it wasn't on the ceiling anymore, but Robert heard deep breathing 2 inches from his right side of the face, as its breath brushed against Robert's right cheek.
 
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