these poems are basically for me... they are out of my diary i write instead of cutting myself.
this is a bit about me...
i am a 14 year old girl and i live in wales. i have a lot of trouble at school and with my family.
when a friend told me she self harmed and asked for help, i unfortunately tried it, it worked and then became my way of coping with problems.
i moved school soon after, and this triggered a whole cycle off again because of the big change. (it is very difficult moving when you are in high school)
these are two 'leafs' out of my diary i have been writing for 5 weeks.
i havent cut since starting to write it. these are not rhyming poems - more of a story poem. you can interprate where the sentences go or the way they flow in any way you want to.
you can leave comments if you want to - just please don't leave bad ones or ones telling me i'm trying to be an emo. i am not an emo, i don't seek attention either. please respect me and others that are cutters and don't judge us for what we do.
thanks.
Pain Relief
They talk about pain as the thing you feel...
the thing you feel when you get a scratch or a bruise,
but what is pain really?
A scratch or bruise will always heal, and the pain will soon be gone,
but there is another type of pain I feel.
Yes, physical pain hurts, but I can control that.
The pain inside is what is bad – something that rots away at me slowly,
gradually taking its toll,
engulfing me from the inside out until I am trapped,
trapped in the web,
and once I am trapped it is very hard to escape from.
So I decide to have some pain relief...
some people take drugs or write stories or talk or pray,
but the thing I do is wrong – everything I hate, everything I despise to the core, but yet I do it,
because the pain won't go away.
How else can I make it stop?
The pain gathers up inside... slowly building up,
until I can't bear it any more,
and I explode,
and the pain turns into hatred and anger and bitterness,
which pours out of me with tears,
tears which end up as my own blood,
and then the pain,
the pain,
stops.
Well, at least for a while.
Because then the relief becomes unreal,
wrapping me up like a giant sheet of cling film,
trapping me,
suffocating me until I can't breath,
as I watch the red stuff ooze out of the canals I have just created,
and I can't believe I just did that,
but there is no pain, none inside, none outside, just relief.
And after that satisfying moment I have to clean up,
clean the angry gashes,
cover them up,
hide the tools away,
and the pain, it all comes back.
They talk about pain as the thing you feel...
the thing you feel when you get a scratch or a bruise,
but what is pain really?
The pain inside is what you feel most, the pain that sends you crazy.
Pain
Pain.
Pain you get goes away, well at least the pain when you stub your toe or something,
But the pain inside is the one that hurts,
Throbbing in your chest, anger, hatred, emotion,
all gathering up inside, creating a time bomb,
which could go off at any time,
I don't know when,
you don't know when,
we just know it will eventually go off,
and when it does, I explodes angrily,
creating the rage and bitterness to spread out,
and the bomb,
it creates angry cuts, angry gashes in my skin,
and as the red liquid pours out, the pain goes...
it goes...
until reality snaps back into place,
and the numbness takes over as the thick redness has to be cleaned,
but still there is no pain,
and everything is fine,
well, at least for a few minutes,
because then worry sweeps across me like a draping sheet,
and I realise what I have created – cuts which will scar,
and those scars will stay with me for the rest of my life,
and then the pain comes back – mixed with the worry I have just created,
and it all starts again.
Pain.
Pain never goes away.
It throbs in your chest, anger, hatred, emotion,
all gathering up inside, creating a time bomb,
which could go off at any time,
I don't know when,
you don't know when,
we just know it will eventually go off.
thanks for taking your time reading them.
this is a bit about me...
i am a 14 year old girl and i live in wales. i have a lot of trouble at school and with my family.
when a friend told me she self harmed and asked for help, i unfortunately tried it, it worked and then became my way of coping with problems.
i moved school soon after, and this triggered a whole cycle off again because of the big change. (it is very difficult moving when you are in high school)
these are two 'leafs' out of my diary i have been writing for 5 weeks.
i havent cut since starting to write it. these are not rhyming poems - more of a story poem. you can interprate where the sentences go or the way they flow in any way you want to.
you can leave comments if you want to - just please don't leave bad ones or ones telling me i'm trying to be an emo. i am not an emo, i don't seek attention either. please respect me and others that are cutters and don't judge us for what we do.
thanks.
Pain Relief
They talk about pain as the thing you feel...
the thing you feel when you get a scratch or a bruise,
but what is pain really?
A scratch or bruise will always heal, and the pain will soon be gone,
but there is another type of pain I feel.
Yes, physical pain hurts, but I can control that.
The pain inside is what is bad – something that rots away at me slowly,
gradually taking its toll,
engulfing me from the inside out until I am trapped,
trapped in the web,
and once I am trapped it is very hard to escape from.
So I decide to have some pain relief...
some people take drugs or write stories or talk or pray,
but the thing I do is wrong – everything I hate, everything I despise to the core, but yet I do it,
because the pain won't go away.
How else can I make it stop?
The pain gathers up inside... slowly building up,
until I can't bear it any more,
and I explode,
and the pain turns into hatred and anger and bitterness,
which pours out of me with tears,
tears which end up as my own blood,
and then the pain,
the pain,
stops.
Well, at least for a while.
Because then the relief becomes unreal,
wrapping me up like a giant sheet of cling film,
trapping me,
suffocating me until I can't breath,
as I watch the red stuff ooze out of the canals I have just created,
and I can't believe I just did that,
but there is no pain, none inside, none outside, just relief.
And after that satisfying moment I have to clean up,
clean the angry gashes,
cover them up,
hide the tools away,
and the pain, it all comes back.
They talk about pain as the thing you feel...
the thing you feel when you get a scratch or a bruise,
but what is pain really?
The pain inside is what you feel most, the pain that sends you crazy.
Pain
Pain.
Pain you get goes away, well at least the pain when you stub your toe or something,
But the pain inside is the one that hurts,
Throbbing in your chest, anger, hatred, emotion,
all gathering up inside, creating a time bomb,
which could go off at any time,
I don't know when,
you don't know when,
we just know it will eventually go off,
and when it does, I explodes angrily,
creating the rage and bitterness to spread out,
and the bomb,
it creates angry cuts, angry gashes in my skin,
and as the red liquid pours out, the pain goes...
it goes...
until reality snaps back into place,
and the numbness takes over as the thick redness has to be cleaned,
but still there is no pain,
and everything is fine,
well, at least for a few minutes,
because then worry sweeps across me like a draping sheet,
and I realise what I have created – cuts which will scar,
and those scars will stay with me for the rest of my life,
and then the pain comes back – mixed with the worry I have just created,
and it all starts again.
Pain.
Pain never goes away.
It throbs in your chest, anger, hatred, emotion,
all gathering up inside, creating a time bomb,
which could go off at any time,
I don't know when,
you don't know when,
we just know it will eventually go off.
thanks for taking your time reading them.