lesama1216
New member
We have 2 children, ages 12 (girl) and 10 (boy). We have joint custody with me as primary. My ex moved out of state last year about 4 hours away. I have frequently had issues with my ex not communicating with me regarding visitation times, etc. yet still expects to see his kids when he wants. For the kids' sake, I have let it slide...but, there are two issues here that I need help deciding on the right way to handle things.
One, I've known for some time that my ex was a habitual liar and extremely manipulative and he is this way with the kids as well. I've endured rumors that I had a long term affair, I won't let him see the kids (when he really just never showed for visitation), the kids want to live with him, etc. I've learned to let it go because he will never stop. However, recently, he had on his fb page (that our daughter saw) that he was getting chemo treatments...found out this is not true from his family. I recently had someone he owed money to (one of many) send me photos of conversations with him on facebook where he was lying about undergoing tests and spending all his money on court costs to get custody of the kids because I was crazy...none of which are true. He then blamed the post on his page (about cancer) on a crazy ex-gf...also not true. I'm really concerned for the kids emotional and mental state with these things going on. I have messages from him to our daughter on fb about all of this...when I confronted him, he refused to speak with me and told his daughter that he would no longer talk to her on fb because I would read it and he wanted to talk to her in private. (He just wants his daughter alone so that he can make up more lies). Oh yes and he also doesn't have a phone right now, nor do I know his exact address where he lives. I only know where he stays when he's in town.
My second issue is that I have let it slide for the past year that he sets up visitation on facebook with our 12 yr old daughter...he never calls me or emails me about visitation and I usually never know he's going to be in town until my daughter says something on Sat. asking if their dad can pick them up. He doesn't follow any sort of schedule, he just shows up when he feels like it. He keeps them overnight on Saturdays that he has them, however, I've been told he goes to bars and leaves them with friends on many occaisions...he only sees them maybe 2 saturdays a month!
I want the kids to get to see their dad, however, I would like more communication and structure regarding visits. My ex is irrational and ignores any email, etc. attempt at communication on my part. Do I stop visitation until communication resumes? Also, his lies are getting scary and worrying the kids...how much is too much for them...when do I have the legal right to keep him away? I also cannot afford to take him to court right now...I've filed an enforcement before and he behaved for a while...but I cannot afford it again. Both the kids need braces, etc..also things he ignores in the decree and won't help with. Anyway, I would like some advice. I understand the kids should see their father...but I also want it to be safe. Has anyone dealt with these issues before? Am I allowing too much...or trying to control too much?
**Yes, I chose this person to have children with, we were married 12 years and his mental issues, etc did not show in his early 20s when we were married, they didn't start appearing until late 20s early 30s. I would like constructive comments only and not guilt trips for getting a divorce. In some cases they are necessary and I did not take it lightly.
One, I've known for some time that my ex was a habitual liar and extremely manipulative and he is this way with the kids as well. I've endured rumors that I had a long term affair, I won't let him see the kids (when he really just never showed for visitation), the kids want to live with him, etc. I've learned to let it go because he will never stop. However, recently, he had on his fb page (that our daughter saw) that he was getting chemo treatments...found out this is not true from his family. I recently had someone he owed money to (one of many) send me photos of conversations with him on facebook where he was lying about undergoing tests and spending all his money on court costs to get custody of the kids because I was crazy...none of which are true. He then blamed the post on his page (about cancer) on a crazy ex-gf...also not true. I'm really concerned for the kids emotional and mental state with these things going on. I have messages from him to our daughter on fb about all of this...when I confronted him, he refused to speak with me and told his daughter that he would no longer talk to her on fb because I would read it and he wanted to talk to her in private. (He just wants his daughter alone so that he can make up more lies). Oh yes and he also doesn't have a phone right now, nor do I know his exact address where he lives. I only know where he stays when he's in town.
My second issue is that I have let it slide for the past year that he sets up visitation on facebook with our 12 yr old daughter...he never calls me or emails me about visitation and I usually never know he's going to be in town until my daughter says something on Sat. asking if their dad can pick them up. He doesn't follow any sort of schedule, he just shows up when he feels like it. He keeps them overnight on Saturdays that he has them, however, I've been told he goes to bars and leaves them with friends on many occaisions...he only sees them maybe 2 saturdays a month!
I want the kids to get to see their dad, however, I would like more communication and structure regarding visits. My ex is irrational and ignores any email, etc. attempt at communication on my part. Do I stop visitation until communication resumes? Also, his lies are getting scary and worrying the kids...how much is too much for them...when do I have the legal right to keep him away? I also cannot afford to take him to court right now...I've filed an enforcement before and he behaved for a while...but I cannot afford it again. Both the kids need braces, etc..also things he ignores in the decree and won't help with. Anyway, I would like some advice. I understand the kids should see their father...but I also want it to be safe. Has anyone dealt with these issues before? Am I allowing too much...or trying to control too much?
**Yes, I chose this person to have children with, we were married 12 years and his mental issues, etc did not show in his early 20s when we were married, they didn't start appearing until late 20s early 30s. I would like constructive comments only and not guilt trips for getting a divorce. In some cases they are necessary and I did not take it lightly.