What do you do when your boyfriend doesn't want to stay in your home town?

Mel

New member
I want to live in my hometown, or within an hour's drive of it. I have a very special relationship with my mother and two sisters. I told my boyfriend when I moved half way across the country for him while he was in school, that I will need to return home when it comes time to settle down and have children, because I want my mother and sisters to have an active role in my children's life.
Now, after a year of being together, my boyfriend is done school and now has an issue with the fact that I want to move back home. He keeps pressuring me to basically choose between him and my family and it's very difficult because I am 100% in love with him. We have a great relationship and I've never wanted to marry anyone until him. However, after having lived away from my family for this past year and realizing that it has made me very sad, I do not believe that I can be 100% happy being with my partner and only him, without my family; I'd feel isolated. However, to move back home without him, I'd always wonder if I made the right choice. At this point though, I miss my family like crazy and cannot even imagine doing this for the rest of my life (only being able to fly home every few months for a quick visit).
He says that I am "placing conditions" on my love for him, and that he feels expendible because, when it comes down to it, I would "choose" my family over him. He makes jokes that it's time to "cut the cord" already because I'm a "26 year old woman."
Am I wrong? If I am, I can totally accept that. My family and friends obviously agree with me (because they want me to come home), and say that if he loved me, he would not want me to be unhappy. But, his family (who have all moved away from home) agree with him, and say that if I truly loved him, I would be with him no matter what.
Who is in the wrong? Nobody? Is it just different views? I know the obvious answer is that we both want different things and therefore maybe aren't right for each other, but the prospect of moving back home without him makes me very sad too.
Any objective advice would be greatly appreciated!
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I am going through a very similar situation with my BF. We met when I was living in his home city, San Francisco, close to my college town. Didn't start dating til right before I moved back home near Los Angeles, 6 hour drive away. We did long distance for almost 2 years, while I was struggling to make my student loan payments living at home. My old employer offered for me to come back part time to my old company, which was much more than I was making at home.
I knew my BF was who I wanted to marry already, just wanted to see how we would do seeing each other on a daily basis. Moved up, got my own place, and loved our relationship. Moved in together 6 months later and everything has been great since. However he has known since I met him that I had a really great childhood with lots of extended family always around in Southern CA, which is what I want for my kids. His parents are already older and have multiple grandchildren they dont see as often, while my parents are young and have no grandchildren yet. I also have 3 siblings that I am very close with as well as all 4 grandparents still. I have been trying to convince myself that I would be ok raising our future family in Northern California, but I just dont know for sure once kids come along and its really stressing me out. We have no problem commiting the rest of our lives to each other, but he says he wont propose unless I can tell him for sure that I would be willing to settle down up here.
I dont mind staying here at least until the kids start school, but I know I will have issues after that. I work for City recreation departments, so I can pretty much find work anywhere in the long run. He has worked for the same professional sports team since his teens and has worked his way up almost to his dream position. Just waiting for his boss to retire. At one point he said he might be open to moving closer to my hometown but I no longer think thats the case.
We try to reevaluate our feelings every couple of months, and I have given myself one more year up here to decide if I can make that commitment to staying here, or I am going to start looking for a job closer to home, as much as I want to spend the rest of my life with him. It might not be fair, but it is what it is.
My advice is its all about communication and honesty.
 
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